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Courtney Townley 0:00
Welcome to the Grace and Grit Podcast made for women who want their healthiest years to be ahead of them, not behind them. Join your host Courtney Townley right now. As she breaks down the fairy tale health story, you have been chasing all of your life, indispensable action steps and lasting change.
Today, I want to talk about how to navigate the summer because we are heading into the summer months here in North America. How do you navigate the summer with all of this sort of challenges and opportunities that arise? A and simultaneously honor your well being. Because for a lot of people, it feels like an either or equation. I can either enjoy my summer, or I can take care of myself. And I’ve seen this pattern actually arise consistently over the years working with clients.
There’s one of two patterns that show up. On one end of the spectrum. I’ve worked with a lot of women who travel through the summer, not enjoying it at all, because they are so rigidly attached to what their self care is supposed to look like that they don’t enjoy themselves. And then there’s a pattern on the other end of the spectrum, which is where I’ve worked with women who just completely throw all caution to the wind in terms of their self care, convincing themselves that they’ll realign themselves come the fall. So they give them themselves a ton of opportunity to indulge in pleasure. And often I would argue false pleasures like alcohol and foods that don’t have much nutritional value. And this This is also a pattern I see a lot around the holidays right come Thanksgiving, a lot of People are convincing themselves, you know, I’m just going to indulge over the next six to eight weeks and come the New Year, I will get back on track.
The problem with this line of thinking is that never happens. It rarely happens. Because when your chemistry is super jacked because of decisions you’ve been making for the past few months, you don’t just magically wake up one day ready to take care of yourself. Or even if you are ready, your chemistry is not set up in a way that easily supports that. So you’re a lot more reactive, you’re a lot more resistant, you’re a lot less willing to lean into discomfort, so many things. So enjoying your summer, and taking care of yourself do not have to be mutually exclusive. It’s not an either or equation, you can absolutely do both. And there’s two concepts that I want to offer you that are really helpful in doing just that.
The first concept is this concept of structured flexibility, which I have talked about on many podcasts in the past, I’ve been teaching it for years. And structured flexibility is the concept that you have a plan. There are, there are things you want to dedicate yourself to in terms of your well being. And you are willing to be flexible within the plan. So you can show up consistently. I’ve long said rigidity is the death of consistency. So if you are telling yourself that something has to be done a particular way all of the time, without any type of modification, it can actually prevent you from showing up. Because life has a way of throwing you a lot of curveballs, a lot of obstacles and challenges that you never could have seen coming.
And if you always expect the dial of efforts to be turned up to the same intensity. That becomes problematic. Something that you’re dedicated to, to in terms of improving your health actually starts to cost you your health. So exercise does not always look the same, your nutrition may not always look the same. Your sleeping patterns may not always look the same. And that is perfectly okay. When it’s in dedication to your well being, you will and should allow yourself to be flexible, so you can continue to show up. You if you’re so rigid with your plan, you will suffer this summer. And if all you focus on is flexibility, you give yourself flexibility around every corner, you’re going to roll into the fall, feeling like a hot, frustrated mass. So you absolutely can enjoy your summer and commit to self care if you’re willing to let it look different.
So let me give you some really clear examples of that. You are someone who is going to maybe travel to the summer staying dedicated to movement, moving your body often in March. But instead of going to the gym and lifting weights, maybe you’re somebody who wants to spend more time training outdoors. You’re still committed to moving, but you’re flexible in what your approach to movement looks like. Or maybe you’re someone who wants to stay up later in the summer, because the days are longer. So you give yourself permission to stay up later. And you also create the boundary that you still need to get enough sleep. So you also give yourself permission to wake up a little bit later. Maybe you’re somebody who’s been really committed to weight loss or as I always call it what it is fat loss. If you’re someone who’s been committed to fat loss for the past several months, and you’ve made a lot of progress, you’ve been really disciplined. Maybe you’re somebody who decides that, you know, for me to enjoy summer the way that I want to. I’m going to just maintain my weight this summer rather than keep the discipline so tuned up, that I can’t really do the things that I want to do.
All of those are examples of structured flexibility. In all of those examples, you’re still committed to self care. You’re just allowing it to look different. You’re granting yourself permission, and you’re also drawing the line. So the other concept that I think is really helpful in making the most out of your summer, and simultaneously caring for yourself is seeking pleasure. And indulging in pleasure that promotes well being. Pleasure itself is not a bad thing. Pleasure is a beautiful thing, and your brain is hardwired for it. So if your brain had its preference, it would seek pleasure, avoid pain, and look for ways to exert the least amount of effort all day long, which is not exactly a recipe for health. So how do we get this to work for us? If our brain is so wired to seek pleasure, we need to take radical responsibility for the pleasure we granted. And there is a lot of opportunity this day and age, to engage in false pleasure. False pleasure is pleasure that gives you immediate gratification, and has long term health consequences. So eating the sugar consistently, drinking the alcohol every night, spending hours on your phone Mindlessly scrolling social media, binge watching Netflix, to the point that you’re not putting yourself to bed, right, all of these things absolutely feel pleasurable in the moment, and unfortunately, come at a high price to our health when we engage with them consistently.
So I just want to remind you that there’s also pleasure that promotes well being, which is a little trickier, because it’s not as readily accessible as false pleasures. And it often requires that you get a little bit uncomfortable to engage with it. Because think about it, false pleasure is like the way of life in our culture. Right? Eat this, drink this, watch this, buy this. That’s the message we get all day long. So it’s no wonder why a lot of people have made a habit out of engaging with false pleasure. It’s easy, it’s immediate, it’s cheap, it’s everywhere. Where pleasure that promotes well being is a little bit more effort filled. And remember, your brain, if it had its way, wants the least amount of effort. So it becomes a little bit trickier. A little more work on our part, to seek out pleasure that also promotes our well being but it can be done.
So what are some examples of pleasure that promotes well being? Well, travel, connection, mindfulness, right being really present with what’s right in front of you. doing art, playing a sport. Anything that answers right sort of those polls at your heart, reading, walking in nature, getting a massage. All of these things are available to you. But like I said, they require a little bit more effort. They all require a few minutes of discomfort, right to engage with your art. You have to get yourself into your art room, you’ve got to set up your equipment. To read the book, you’ve got to have a book you’ve got to buy the book or check one out at the library. Find a quiet space to sit down and read. Walking in nature you got to put on your shoes get outside.
Now you hear me saying these things and none of them are that difficult. But in comparison to how easy false pleasure is. All I have to do is pick up my phone to scroll social media. All I have to do is open my refrigerator to put something in my mouth or take out a wineglass to pour a glass of wine in comparison to false pleasures, pleasures that promote well being are more effortful. But the thing I always remind myself is it’s really the first five minutes that feel effortful. And then I get a surge of pleasure. That is immediate. When I engage with listening to music, or dancing or are going for a walk with my dog. Yes, there was little effort to get there. But once I’m there, it’s so enjoyable.
And the greatest thing is it contributes to my well being over the long term. If I consistently make decisions to engage with pleasure that promote my well being, it serves my health. And here’s the truth, false pleasure. And pleasure that promotes well being, they both require discomfort. Drinking, the alcohol is going to provide you with discomfort almost immediately. Tomorrow morning, when you wake up, there is a biological price, to asking your body to process that alcohol. If you consistently drink alcohol every night, there is a much bigger biological price for your body to have to contend with that over time. So there is discomfort associated with indulging in false pleasures. There’s also discomfort associated with pleasures that promote well being. But the thing about pleasures that promote well being is that they actually get you something on the other side, there’s benefit down the road, where there is no benefit to false pleasures. We just want more of them. And they end up costing us more. So it becomes like a vicious cycle to indulge in them.
So let’s talk about some really strategic steps for entering your summer with the intention of enjoying it, and taking care of yourself. So the first thing I would suggest is decide how you want to feel in September, decide now, how do you want to feel come September? How do you want to feel in your body? How do you want to feel about how you showed up over the past few months? How do you want to feel about how you spent your time. decide that now. And get clear on how you would need to show up in order to make that happen? What are some things I would need to commit to in order to feel that way in September. Now a word of caution here. When I ask somebody how they want to feel in September, if somebody said to me, I want to be in the best shape of my life in September, I would challenge them on that. I’m not saying that, ultimately, that isn’t what they would commit to. But I want to challenge them a little bit. Because to be in the best shape of your life and September, there’s a price to that there is a cost of discipline associated with creating that outcome. And I’m completely supportive of that.
If you truly feel willing and ready to engage with that level of discipline through the summer. Most women I work with do not want to have that level of discipline through the summer. They want to turn the dial down a little bit rather than up. So they feel that they can have the flexibility that they want in their summer and still show up to take care of themselves. So I share that with you just to stay realistic and sensible about how you’re answering that question. The other thing I would suggest is once you get clear on how you would need to show up this summer. In order to feel the way you want to feel come September where might you need to apply a little flexibility with your self care to make that happen. So if I want to feel strong in my body, come September, I want to feel confident, I want to feel at peace with how I showed up. I know for me, I’m going to have to commit to some smaller plans each day in terms of my self care so I can show up. Because my kids out of school, I’m still working. There’s a lot of sort of new challenges that arise for me in the summer. And if I expect myself to show up for myself care in the same way that I always have, I know what’s going to happen. I’m going to drop the ball in a lot of places and I don’t want to drop the ball. So if I give myself permission to lower the bar of expectations, I still feel like I’m winning. I’m still following through with my commitments.
And in order to follow through with your commitments, you’ve got to know what your anchors are, what are the things that you do that help you to follow through with the promises you make to yourself, we also could call these non negotiables. So we talked about structured flexibility. So having a non negotiable almost feels like counter to that. But a non negotiable is something that allows you to show up in a powerful way each day for me one of my non negotiables asleep, I have to get enough sleep. Because if I don’t, I’m reactive, I want to eat more sugar, I want to drink more alcohol, I don’t want to move my body. And so while I may be more flexible in other areas of my self care through the summer, I’m not willing to be super flexible with sleep. So what are your non negotiables to also pre meditate, how you can maintain your anchors each day.
So spend five or 10 minutes at the end of your day, or maybe at the start of your day? Really premeditating? What are the obstacles and challenges that are going to show up today that could potentially get in my way of honoring this anchor. And the reason pre meditating is so important is it because it allows you to pre decide, it allows you to get creative. So when that thing if that thing shows up, you have a game plan.
For example, right? Maybe tonight I have a plan of get being in bed by 1030. But my son wants to go outside and look at the stars, right, and it doesn’t get dark until 1030. So I extend myself, that concept of structured flexibility to go out and look at the stars, and maybe I don’t get bed until 1130. And the strategy I have is, well I’m gonna allow myself to sleep a little bit later tomorrow, assuming that’s possible. And if it’s not possible, I’m going to make sure I get to bed even earlier tomorrow night. So within that, I have my structured flexibility. And I’m honoring my anchor.
And then the last thing I would just suggest is that when after you’ve pre meditated, how you can follow through with your anchors, how you need to be creative, to navigate obstacles and strategies. You’ve got to manage your brain throughout the summer, in order to show up for those things. So if you have decided that, you know, I’m just not going to drink this summer, but every time you go to a social event, you tell yourself, you’re missing out, you’re no fun if you don’t drink alcohol, that you have to stay away from alcohol, that this is so hard, you’re not going to stay away from alcohol. Right?
Or if you give yourself permission to not go to the gym so often this summer, and you’re going to spend more time outdoors. If you spend the summer feeling guilty that you’re not in the gym, that’s a byproduct of your thinking. And how is that useful to you? It’s not. So make sure you decide in advance how you want to feel the summer or sorry, how you want to feel in the fall, how you need to think and act through the summer in order to make that possible where the structured flexibility needs to come in. So you can enjoy your summer and take good care of yourself and prove to yourself that having both is possible.
Alright, my friends, I don’t know who needed to hear that. I hope it was helpful. I hope there’s a nugget you can extract from that that will help you to travel through your summer with a bit more grace. And I also want to remind you that last summer I did an entire series on summer topics that might be really helpful to you this summer. So those are episodes 172 through episode 175. There’s four episodes I did specific to summer topics. And they’re all available, you can still replay and re listen to those for free. So you may want to check those episodes out. So that’s it. I hope you have a wonderful day. I hope you make the most of your day. And I hope you remember above all else, how incredibly precious your health is. And what an amazing gift and opportunity it is to take care of for yourself. That is an optional way of thinking. And I promise you that line of thinking is so much more useful to you than thinking that it’s hard or it’s too difficult or it’s too time consuming. I’ll see you again next week take care.
Thank you for listening to the Grace and Grit Podcast. It is time to mend the fabric of the female health story. And it starts with you taking radical responsibility for your own self care. You are worth the effort and with a little grace and grit, anything is possible.
