294: Goal Setting Reimagined

Podcast

If you are struggling to reach your goals, listen up.

There is nothing wrong with you but… your approach to goals? That just might need an upgrade.

I have fallen in love with the process of setting and pursuing goals in the past few years and NOT for the reasons you might think.

In this episode of the Grace & Grit podcast, I teach you how to reshape your relationship with goals so you can ditch the struggle and actually start enjoying the process.

Goals Setting Reimagined
Transcript

Transcripts are auto-generated.

Courtney Townley 0:00
Welcome to the Grace and Grit Podcast made for women who want their healthiest years to be ahead of them. Not behind them. Join your host Courtney Townley right now. As she breaks down the fairy tale health story, you have been chasing all of your life, indispensable action steps and lasting change.

Courtney Townley 0:28
Hello, my friends, and welcome to the Grace & Grit Podcast. This is your host, Courtney Townley. So grateful you have decided to join me today. And hey, if you’re a longtime listener, you know that I have had the last few weeks off, it was very intentional, I planned a little hiatus from the Podcast. And I want to be very forthcoming with you. I am not all that awesome at taking breaks, when I tell myself I’m going to take breaks. And this time, I really was all in on taking a break. And what that specifically looked like over the past 10 days is I went off the grid, I went out into this amazing state that I live in, which is Montana.

Courtney Townley 1:14
And I just spent time decompressing, absorbing nature connecting with my family. And it was absolute soul food. It was so good. So I’m looking forward to challenging myself to do more of that moving forward.

Courtney Townley 1:33
Now, I don’t know what you do on vacation. But especially on a vacation like the one I just took.

Courtney Townley 1:41
I like to read. I’m a huge reader. Normally I read first thing in the day, because it’s when I have the most attention span. And I tend to absorb content most easily. But on this vacation, of course I was able to read all day long. And I chose two books. And sometimes I don’t know if I choose books or they choose me.

Courtney Townley 2:05
But the two books that I dove into on this particular trip, number one was the way of integrity by Martha Beck I had started the book a while ago, but I had not completed it. So I really finished the book. And I was so glad I did. And the second book that I chose to dive into was the surrender experiment by Michael singer. And that was fascinating. And what’s interesting about that second book, is that Michael singers first book, The Untethered Soul is a book that I bought, I don’t know, probably 15 years ago, and I was never able to get into it. So I bought this second book. And now I can’t wait to go back to the Untethered Soul and read that one.

Courtney Townley 2:52
Now, I chose these two books, not at all realizing how powerfully their messages would weave together, and really helped me to solidify some understanding on things that I’ve been wrestling with, and trying to reframe for years, in my own life, and certainly in the work that I do with my clients. And one of those things is goal setting, why we set goals, the energy with which we pursue them,

Courtney Townley 3:28
and what we really hope to glean from that experience. So if you are someone who is struggling to reach your goals, listen up. This Podcast today is for you. And I want to start by saying of course there is nothing wrong with you.

Courtney Townley 3:47
But your approach to goal setting. And goal achieving just might need a little upgrade.

Courtney Townley 3:58
So in the past, I would say it’s been maybe three or four years, I have really been reworking the way that I approach goals. And when I say reworking, I am specifically speaking to the mindset behind my goals, why I set them how I set them, and then of course how I go into pursuing them. And I have really learned to fall in love with the process. And I know that’s a big claim. Right? Like, Courtney, this is not something you fall in love with. It’s something you do to fall in love with the outcome.

Courtney Townley 4:37
But I did fall in love with the process. I have fallen in love with the process, and it’s probably not for reasons you think. So in this episode, today, I am going to teach you a little bit of what I’ve been exploring. Of course, I don’t have this all figured out. I’m always very transparent about this. I’m simply sharing my own experiments. And the experiments that I run

Courtney Townley 5:00
with my community. And my hope is that this episode will help you to improve your own relationship with goal setting. So you can ditch the struggle, because so many people struggle with their goals, and really reframe the mindset with which you’re approaching your goals.

Courtney Townley 5:21
So, I want to go back in time and tell you about how I really worked with goals initially in my life. And I think hopefully, a lot of you will be able to identify with this, because I don’t think this approach is at all exclusive to me, I work with women every single day, who are trying to break this exact pattern that I’m about to describe. So we are very much conditioned to outsource goal setting. And I’ve talked about this a lot on the Podcast. What I mean specifically by that is that we decide to pursue something

Courtney Townley 6:01
based on other people’s expectations, other people’s likes and dislikes, comparing our life to other people.

Courtney Townley 6:13
So we should ourselves into goal setting.

Courtney Townley 6:17
That’s mistake number one.

Courtney Townley 6:20
Now, some really clear examples of how that has shown up in my life is that I should go to college, I should have a certain body type, I should look a certain way I should achieve certain athletic endeavors in my lifetime, I should be making a certain amount of money, especially by a certain point in my life.

Courtney Townley 6:44
These are all things that I have absolutely been victim to pursuing. Not necessarily because it was in my heart to pursue these things. But because I was kind of reacting to the world around me.

Courtney Townley 7:02
And I think this is a very, it’s very normal to do this. And I think that it’s also a part of the pathway to finding a better way. So if you’ve done this, which I’m sure on some level you have, don’t beat yourself up,

Courtney Townley 7:17
be grateful that it’s giving you a window to look through, where you might start to better understand yourself and how you want to move forward from here.

Courtney Townley 7:28
So based on what we’re exposed to, in the world around us, we work to cultivate an acceptable identity. It is a very big part of our DNA of our human experience to want to belong.

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And so in an attempt to belong and feel accepted, we mold and shape ourselves into the shoulds that culture at large that our families are pressing upon us.

Courtney Townley 8:04
And ultimately, what that does is it disconnects us from our truth, right?

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It disconnects us from the wholeness of who we are, we start to become very fragmented as Martha Beck would say.

Courtney Townley 8:20
And that creates a lot of integrity pain, which I’ve been talking about on this show for years. Integrity, pain is the very real pain and discomfort that results from you living out of alignment with who you truly are, and what you truly want for your life.

Courtney Townley 8:41
So mistake number one is that we outsource our goals to the world, we let the world tell us what we should be pursuing.

Courtney Townley 8:52
Mistake number two is that we then use those goals the pursuit of those goals to prove our worth.

Courtney Townley 9:03
So we seek external validation.

Courtney Townley 9:09
And we do that in a way by trying to make other people really comfortable with our choices. And this is so dangerous because nobody’s ever not the whole world is not going to like your choices ever.

Courtney Townley 9:25
But when you are making decisions based on what everybody else thinks you should do,

Courtney Townley 9:33
and then furthermore, we we really use that to try to get their approval.

Courtney Townley 9:40
Again, it just starts to lead us further and further away from ourselves.

Courtney Townley 9:47
And we start to hustle for our worth.

Courtney Townley 9:52
We feel responsible for everybody’s comfort.

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We literally feel like we might die

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If we’re not accepted into certain circles, and so we literally hustle for our worth, which is downright exhausting.

Courtney Townley 10:13
And living a life of hustle for everyone else’s approval, of course requires that we neglect and even sometimes reject who we really are.

Courtney Townley 10:29
We’re hustling so much, we don’t even have time to question who we really are or what we really want.

Courtney Townley 10:37
Because we’re so busy trying to live up to social standards and make everyone else around us happy and comfortable.

Courtney Townley 10:46
So mistake number one, we outsource goal setting. Mistake number two, we use goal setting to prove our worth.

Courtney Townley 10:56
And then the third thing is that we become very outcome oriented.

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So we get so focused on the achievement of the goal, we start to pursue it at any cost.

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And remember, we’re believing a lot of false stories along the way, if I achieve this thing, I will be more happy. If I achieve this thing, I will be more accepted. If I achieve this thing, I will be more loved.

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And that vicious cycle never ends.

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When we’re outcome oriented, we get incredibly rigid in our approach to things. This has to look a very certain way, because someone told me so if I follow somebody else’s instructions on how they got from A to Z,

Courtney Townley 11:52
I will achieve the same level of success.

Courtney Townley 11:57
Now, sometimes you will, oftentimes you won’t. Because there’s so much that goes into achieving a goal.

Courtney Townley 12:06
Beyond just the steps you take, it’s also important to consider why you’re taking those steps do those steps even fit in to the rest of your life?

Courtney Townley 12:19
Is this something that you can sustain?

Courtney Townley 12:23
So we get very attached to the outcome, we get very rigid in our approach, in terms of how this is all supposed to work out.

Courtney Townley 12:35
That even though life is trying to throw us a bone and show us a different path, we’re not even open to it. And man, does this create a lot of unnecessary struggle.

Courtney Townley 12:45
And ultimately, it teaches us what we don’t want. Right? So an example I’ve shared on this show many times. And that really kind of sparked my interest in starting this Podcast seven years ago, is that I was very rooted in the land of fat loss for many years.

Courtney Townley 13:06
Because I was a mover at heart. And of course as a mover my instrument is my body and the culture I live in conditioned me to believe that my body should look a certain way and be a certain body fat percentage. And so I set a goal of losing weight and getting to a certain level of leanness, which I did. I did it, trying to make other people happy. I did it trying to get the approval of other people around me. I did it to try to like myself more.

Courtney Townley 13:48
And ultimately, what it taught me was that I don’t want to live my life like this.

Courtney Townley 13:57
You know, I got my lowest leanest weight I was at like 14% body fat. It’s incredibly low body fat. And what I had to do to achieve that was meticulously planned my food to be accountable to everybody that went in my mouth. I started to compromise other things that were important to me to make time for that level of leanness.

Courtney Townley 14:25
And here I am many years later, so glad that I did that in a way because it showed me what I didn’t want.

Courtney Townley 14:34
It showed me what separation from myself looks like.

Courtney Townley 14:39
Sure, I could achieve a goal at the cost of only focusing on that and giving all of my energy to that at the cost of starting to neglect my other values.

Courtney Townley 15:00
My family, my friends, my other passions and pursuits.

Courtney Townley 15:07
So again, mistake number one, we outsource our goal setting mistake number two, we use goals to prove our worth. Mistake number three, we get very outcome oriented.

Courtney Townley 15:21
And what this all leads to, like I said earlier is integrity, pain, and integrity. Pain does not feel like freedom, and expansion and possibility. It feels like constriction,

Courtney Townley 15:36
it feels like oppression.

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It feels like suffocation.

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Because we’re never enough.

Courtney Townley 15:47
Right following this plan that I just talked you through kind of that strategy for reaching goals.

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You’ll never win, you’ll never be enough.

Courtney Townley 15:59
If you believe that you have to earn your enoughness there’s no peace. Because even when you achieve a goal, you still feel like there’s so much you need to do to prove your worth.

Courtney Townley 16:17
And that just never ends. And ultimately, what it leads to, is disconnect from yourself a tremendous amount of burnout and living in an awful lot of integrity pain, which makes us super irritable, and downright unhappy with life.

Courtney Townley 16:37
So that was a really fun road to take, right? Like we all feel really positive and optimistic. Now we’ll spin it. Okay, let’s talk about sort of the reframe how we can approach goals in a way that moves us into integrity with ourselves versus out of integrity with ourselves.

Courtney Townley 16:59
So step number one, rather than outsourcing, we need to insource

Courtney Townley 17:05
Martha Beck beautifully says towards the end of her book, that awareness is the way out.

Courtney Townley 17:12
And I love that so much. Because the very first practice, I teach all of my students and all of my clients is the practice of awareness. If you are not willing to look at how you are showing up, and how you are currently living your life, and why you are showing up in those ways, change will not be possible for you. Not in any sustainable, meaningful kind of way.

Courtney Townley 17:41
So in sourcing means we are willing to go in and really take a look at how we’re showing up. And why we’re showing up in that way.

Courtney Townley 17:56
It’s a practice of reconnecting with yourself.

Courtney Townley 18:03
It is questioning the identity you have built to this point in your life.

Courtney Townley 18:10
Now, let me be clear, when I speak about identity, I speak about identity as a combination of the practices you have had to this point in your life. That’s what creates our identity, the things that we practice the things that we’re consistently showing up for the things that we believe on a regular basis.

Courtney Townley 18:34
So when we start to question our identity, it gives us an opportunity to consider what practices I might want to start engaging with in the future from this point on.

Courtney Townley 18:51
Just because I’ve had a certain identity or certain practices in the past, doesn’t mean I can’t change them now, regardless of your age.

Courtney Townley 19:03
And I want to be clear, I’ve said this every time I’ve talked about awareness on this show, but awareness in sourcing, getting to know yourself reconnecting. reworking, how you want to show up is not necessarily a feel good exercise.

Courtney Townley 19:23
In fact, it’s often not because as I always say, it’s like lifting up the rug, and looking at all the dirt you can sweeping underneath. Or my very real example is walking into my son’s bedroom and looking at all the things he shoved under his bed or into the closet or, you know, into his drawers to make the room appear clean. But he’s just hiding it all.

Courtney Townley 19:53
So the way out the way we start to reframe and lean into goals differently

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We first start within sourcing. And for a lot of people, that’s an awesome first practice to commit to, it’s a great first goal to set is being willing to start developing practices of awareness.

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From there, we start to honor our unique humaneness.

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As a human, you do not need to earn your worth.

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You are worthy, period.

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And not only are you worthy, you have very special talents, and gifts and expressions that need to be put out into the world.

Courtney Townley 20:45
And if you do not do the work of validating yourself to pursue those things, you will end up hustling the rest of your life to be validated by other people.

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Now, here’s the very hard truth about starting to honor what you truly want and what you truly need.

Courtney Townley 21:09
You have to start allowing other people their own discomfort with your decisions.

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The human brain loves certainty. It likes predictability. Why? Because it feels so safe. When I know how something is going to turn out. When I know how somebody is going to show up today.

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I don’t have to guess I don’t have to wonder, I don’t have to worry. You don’t have to do any of those things anyway. But we convince ourselves that we do. We do not like uncertainty. And yet life is uncertainty. That’s what it is.

Courtney Townley 21:49
So when you have been showing up in the world in a certain way for a while, and then you decide to start changing the way you’re showing up, it is going to ripple the water, it is going to make other people uncomfortable.

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Because you’re not so predictable.

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And that’s okay.

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Their comfort with your decisions is not your work. It’s their work.

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So we have to allow people their discomfort when we start showing up differently.

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And then we get to start deciding for ourselves.

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The next step we might want to take on our journey home. So getting back to ourselves getting back in integrity with ourselves. What is a goal you might set in dedication to that?

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Honestly, it’s probably something you’re resisting. It’s something you probably never commit to.

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If you’re someone who’s always on the go, it’s probably something that involves slowing down.

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It’s usually the work we’re avoiding.

Courtney Townley 23:14
So you have to stay open minded, you have to stay really radically honest with yourself about what is going to move me in the direction of reintegrating with myself, of reconnecting with myself. Is it putting more on my schedule? Or is it removing some things from my schedule? So I have more time to get to know myself?

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Is it taking another project at work?

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Or is it leaning into starting that side hustle or that business that’s been pulling at my heartstrings for years?

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So we have to insource we have to start honoring our unique human expression. And what that requires in terms of how we show up, what does honoring your your human expression even look like?

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It’s probably going to mean making some people uncomfortable and making some hard decisions.

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And then, once we decide on what the next step is, we get to watch the curriculum unfold.

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And the journey towards our goal becomes a course of sorts.

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So remember, in the old model, we were always outcome focused, it’s all about what we achieve.

Courtney Townley 24:51
But what I’m inviting you to explore is the gift of goals and goal setting, is in who you become along the weigh what you discover about yourself, what you decide to lean into what you decide to let go of along the path to achieving that thing.

Courtney Townley 25:16
So the way that I like to think of goal setting really, is running experiments.

Courtney Townley 25:28
And again, that probably, if you’re a longtime listener, you’ve heard me talk about experiments a lot on this show.

Courtney Townley 25:33
And I say experiment. Because number one, we experiment means you’re open to possibility, we don’t really know how it’s going to turn out, which is why we’re experimenting.

Courtney Townley 25:49
And sometimes, maybe it will turn out exactly the way you expected. But more often than not, the path you have to take is going to be very different than what you expected.

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What is revealed to you in terms of the challenges and obstacles you never could have seen coming.

Courtney Townley 26:07
And even the outcome itself, might be very different than what you expected.

Courtney Townley 26:14
So going back to my journey with fat loss, which was made from a very sort of immature mindset.

Courtney Townley 26:21
Ultimately, what I learned when I got there is, wow, I worked really hard to get here. And I don’t want this.

Courtney Townley 26:29
Interesting.

Courtney Townley 26:32
Other times, I have pursued goals. And again, the journey was way different than I expected it to be. But the outcome was so much better than I ever could have imagined.

Courtney Townley 26:46
So I remember when I first moved to Montana, I opened the Pilates studio, because that’s the world I was kind of wrapped in at that time. And I did open the studio, and I never advertised, I just taught with my whole heart, and business kept coming in the door. And more opportunities kept showing up. And that evolved into my health coaching career, and my personal development, interest and all these things that I never could have expected.

Courtney Townley 27:20
So we run experiments, and we detach from the outcome, holy cow is that hard. Right? I have to detach from the path I need to take to get there. Because you won’t really know how you got there until you get there, when you look back and say, Oh, that’s how you do it.

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And if I detach from the outcome,

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it gives me permission to a learn about myself, maybe I don’t even want this thing. And to maybe I am going to receive and accomplish so much more than I ever could have imagined.

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So when we are setting goals from a space of integrity,

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it shifts.

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It shifts everything.

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And it allows us to let go. Because we trust ourselves in terms of why we set the goal in the first place. Why we’re pursuing it, we get less attached to the outcome.

Courtney Townley 28:23
Because it feels so right. And it feels so true.

Courtney Townley 28:28
So we watch the curriculum unfold, we stay open to the path that we might have to take to get there versus following a very rote list of instructions, which Oh my word have I done that so many times in my life, working with all kinds of coaches and mentors and teachers. We love play by play for creating outcomes.

Courtney Townley 28:55
And I do believe there’s a place for that, in that we learn.

Courtney Townley 29:01
We learn about ourselves, like all those steps may not work for me, but some of them did.

Courtney Townley 29:08
But if I took someone’s playbook, and followed it exactly the way they told me to, and didn’t necessarily feel like the instructions were resonating for me, and didn’t feel true to me and how I moved through the world. And but I was so rigid to that plan.

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A lot of things could happen, I could create success, but the feel feel very unfulfilled.

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I could not succeed and then convince myself I’m a failure because that path didn’t work for me. None of that has to be true.

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If I’m open to finding what works for me staying in my integrity along the way to achieving a goal and I’m open to whatever path that takes me down.

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I bet that will lead you to a specific

Courtney Townley 29:59
Get your place.

Courtney Townley 30:03
Alright, so just to review kind of this reframe we INSOURCE we honor what we hear when we INSOURCE we start we do set goals. But we become very interested in the curriculum that the journey has for us rather than the outcome we’re trying to achieve. And ultimately, what happens is our integrity expands.

Courtney Townley 30:30
And everything about our life expands, whether we achieve the goal or not.

Courtney Townley 30:37
So again, I started this whole Podcast today talking about, you know, just taking vacation and reading these books, and specifically reading Martha Beck’s book, The Way of integrity. And what’s so interesting about that book is that I’ve been talking about integrity for years. Again, a lot of you longtime listeners, students of mine clients of mine, you know, that’s old hat, like we’ve been talking about that for years.

Courtney Townley 31:03
But Martha Beck wrote this book that I feel like, I feel like she wrote my book. I didn’t want to write a book about integrity. And I joke when I say that, but when I was reading it, it was just, it just resonated with me on such a deep level. And I think it’s because of the journey I’ve been on over the last many years on really kind of my own journey of understanding what that means, and then reorienting my professional work, to help clients step into their own integrity. And so reading the book was just very reaffirming.

Courtney Townley 31:39
And I do want to just point out and kind of reiterate that integrity, pain is living out of alignment with who you truly are and what you truly want.

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And Martha Beck doesn’t use that phrase, she doesn’t use the phrase integrity, pain. But what she does say is that integrity is wholeness. When we operate from a place of wholeness, life gets incredibly fulfilling.

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But because of the way we set goals, and we even pursue our goals, and we do all of that, under a certain level of conditioning, we become very fragmented.

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We move away from ourselves, we move away from our wholeness.

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And I don’t know a person out there who probably on some level wouldn’t say that they need healing on some level, emotionally, physically, in their relationships, mentally, right, we all need healing, somewhere.

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And usually, we need healing in a lot of places, and doing what needs to be done to return to our wholeness, and is really the path to healing.

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Martha Beck says, all of our dysfunction arises when we lose touch with what truly makes us feel whole.

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So it makes sense that the path back

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is that we start making decisions, we start setting goals, based on our truth. This is not easy work. Like I said earlier on, it’s changing how we move through the world.

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It’s risking disappointing people.

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It’s risking having people not like you, so you can actually start liking yourself again. It requires slowing down and listening to yourself and mending the relationship that you have with yourself.

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So you can live and serve and create from a place of authenticity and full expression.

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So in summary, what I’m saying here is that goal setting is really in dedication to coming home to yourself. It can be it doesn’t have to be you can stay in the old way. Lots of people do lots of people will.

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But if that’s not serving you, and you’re looking for a new path, this might be an experiment worth running.

Courtney Townley 34:27
So I always like to say that coming home to myself means that I start liking who I am, what I do, and why I do the things that you that I do. And to me that’s integrity, integrity with myself liking who I am, what I do and why I do the things that I do.

Courtney Townley 34:48
Now, a few months ago, I actually taught an entire workshop on this, it was called Shut Out the Noise. You can still purchase it. It’s 29 bucks. It’s on my website, graceandgrit.com. Just go to the programs page.

Courtney Townley 35:00
And you’ll find that workshop, that’s a great gateway if you want to start scratching the surface on this stuff. And then of course, my Rumble & Rise community, if you really want to take this and run with it, it’s an incubator for exactly this work. So I want to give you before we go just tangible steps for reframing the way that you’ve been going about goal setting and pursuing your goals.

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So number one, start running experiments, start setting goals around becoming more aware.

Courtney Townley 35:37
And I don’t know what that’s gonna look like specifically for you, what I can tell you is what’s looked like in my own life, and certainly in the life of many of my clients, is working with coaches, because a good coach in my, in my opinion, leads you back to yourself by asking a lot of great questions. So coaching to me is helping people to step back into integrity with themselves, work with a coach, work with a therapist, journaling. So much is happening in our brain that we’re not even consciously aware of. And journaling is a great way to see some of the patterns that you’re playing on repeat. And those patterns are dictating your behavior. So if you’re not even aware of what some of that stuff is, what some of those patterns might be, journaling is a great way of revealing that.

Courtney Townley 36:31
And then, of course, just starting to notice, pausing in the day, to just check in. Hey, Courtney, how you doing? So what’s going on today? How are you feeling? What’s your energy? Like? What do you need right now.

Courtney Townley 36:45
We’re so good at doing that. For others, ladies, we are not so awesome at doing that for ourselves.

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So it doesn’t have to be anything elaborate. A goal around awareness. It’s something you commit to, to start reconnecting with yourself to start rediscovering yourself.

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Number two, we start acknowledging the gaps that are revealed to us in that awareness.

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So as you become more aware of how you’re moving through the world, and why you’re moving through the world that way, what’s pulling you out of integrity with yourself?

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Is it the way you’re thinking?

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Is it the way you’re reacting to certain situations?

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Is it constantly blaming other people for how your life is right now?

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For me, it’s been all of those things.

Courtney Townley 37:53
Definitely some really big triggers and gaps for me, throughout my own process have been that I was very reactive, especially on an emotional level, I believed all my emotions to be true. And I also believed that I did not have control over my emotions. So reactivity was a huge thing that was pulling me out of integrity with myself, needing to prove myself all the time, prove my worth, proof that I was smart, prove that I was successful. Right? That definitely pulled me out of integrity made me make a lot of decisions that did not feel right. In my life in my business. Blaming, I can definitely I relate, you know, early in my marriage, especially lots of blame game going on. Right with what, who I thought my husband should be what I thought he should do. None of that was his work. It was all my own expectations. It was a manual that I had for the man that he never read. And nor should he have.

Courtney Townley 38:54
So when I saw those gaps, when I saw the things that were pulling me out of integrity with myself, that started to inform the goals I might want to set in order to get back in integrity with myself.

Courtney Townley 39:10
So step three is we set goals and dedication to the things that are pulling us out of integrity. So we set goals, in our dedication to getting back in integrity.

Courtney Townley 39:24
So for me, one of those things was getting back to the first hour of the day really being for me to get my own head on straight, and my own self grounded and clear and focused. So I could show up that way throughout my day.

Courtney Townley 39:42
And like so many of you. It’s really easy for me to negotiate my morning time for work for family for all kinds of things.

Courtney Townley 39:52
And I can do it for a few days without a huge cost. But if I stay in that cycle of not getting my own head on straight at the start of the day, everything starts to fall apart. Because I’m not taking responsibility for my own energy before I head out into the world.

Courtney Townley 40:12
So my morning time is one of the things that I had to set a goal around that I’m constantly realigning with as a goal. Because I have seen how impactful it is, in my behavior throughout the day, my movement practice,

Courtney Townley 40:29
I have been in spaces throughout my life where well first of all movements always been a huge passion of mine, I love it lights me up, it makes me feel very centered. It’s a form of expression. For me, it’s a lot of things. And I have negotiated many times in my life, my movement practice for things that were pulling me in other directions. And again, it can work for a short period of time until it doesn’t.

Courtney Townley 41:00
And you know, I used to train people for years. I mean, for almost 20 years, I trained people in the flesh with movement. And then seven years ago, I put my business online, and all of a sudden, I wasn’t moving so much throughout the day.

Courtney Townley 41:14
So recognizing that one of the things that was pulling me out of integrity was that I wasn’t moving as much as I used to. So one of my goals was to, I set some goals around my movement practice, to bring myself back into integrity.

Courtney Townley 41:35
And then step four, is we get to watch that curriculum unfold. Right? I want to stay committed, I have goals to stay committed to my morning routine, I have goals to progress, and stay dedicated to my movement practice. And I have to become unattached to exactly what that looks like. And and here’s what I mean by that my morning routine does not always look the same. It kind of ebbs and flows with the seasons. Because what I need in different seasons is different things. So sometimes in the year, my morning routine begins with getting outside and then coming back in and meditating and maybe some movement. Other times, like right now, my morning routine looks like reading, because I’m feeling so invigorated by it.

Courtney Townley 42:29
And I wouldn’t know that if I was so rigid to the way it was supposed to be.

Courtney Townley 42:36
So I’m still committed to the goal. I’m still committed to the practice. But I allow myself to be flexible within it.

Courtney Townley 42:43
Same thing with my movement practice, right? I’m a 45 year old woman who needs more recovery than she’s ever needed.

Courtney Townley 42:53
And so I still have the goal to progress. And the goal to be able to do certain things and my movement practice, and I have to be willing to listen to my body, what serving me what isn’t. And if I was so attached to what my practice looked like 10 years ago,

Courtney Townley 43:12
it would crush me.

Courtney Townley 43:15
It would make me suffer unnecessarily. And then finally, we have step five, which is be willing to do the real work.

Courtney Townley 43:23
This is going to sound outlandish, but your real work is not accomplishing the goal. I’m not saying don’t accomplish the goal. But that is not the real work. The outcome is not the real work.

Courtney Townley 43:36
The curriculum that unfolds along the way to getting to your goal, that’s the real work. What beliefs do you have to change? What emotions do you have to be willing to feel? How might you have to change your strategy? How might you have to take better care of your chemistry so that you can continue the pursuit of this goal with joy, with excitement, with optimism.

Courtney Townley 44:08
And if you need help doing that work, right, that’s what we do inside of Rumble & Rise. So if you ever want more information Rumble & Rise is my private community 59 bucks a month. And I teach a lot of these I’m always teaching about chemistry strategy, emotional agility and mindset in dedication for you staying the course with the things that will bring you back into integrity with yourself. So if that’s something that piques your interest, check it out, you can go to Grace & grit.com forward slash ready to rumble otherwise, I hope you have a great rest of your week. Enjoy it be nice to yourself be inquisitive about yourself. And I’ll see you here again very soon. Take care

Courtney Townley 44:58
Thank you for listening to the Grace & Grit Podcast. It is time to mend the fabric of the female health story. And it starts with you taking radical responsibility for your own self care. You are worth the effort and with a little grace and grit anything is possible.

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