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Courtney Townley 0:00
Welcome to the Grace and Grit Podcast made for women who want their healthiest years to be ahead of them. Not behind them. Join your host Courtney Townley right now. As she breaks down the fairy tale health story, you have been chasing all of your life, indispensable action steps and lasting change.
Courtney Townley 0:28
Hello, my friends, and welcome to the Grace & Grit Podcast. This is your host, Courtney Townley. As always, I’m so grateful you’re here spending little time with me. Now, I can’t believe it. But the holidays are indeed right around the corner. I don’t know where 2022 went, it went by so fast.
Courtney Townley 0:45
My mother is always telling me that life is kind of like a roll of toilet paper, the closer you get to the end, the faster it goes. And I do kind of feel that way. I mean, granted, I’m nowhere near the end of my life. But I absolutely can identify with being older and feeling like like life is spinning faster, it goes by so much quicker.
Courtney Townley 1:04
Now, with the holidays, for a lot of people, the season can create a lot of what I call pre traumatic stress, the stress that we kind of induce on ourselves by just thinking about something stressful happening. And let’s be honest, the gifting the family, the traveling the food, the exhaustion that often accompanies the holidays, can create a lot of stress.
Courtney Townley 1:33
So, inside of my Rumble & Rise community for the month of November, we are going to set ourselves up to live the holidays this year with a whole lot less stress, and a lot more intention. So if you’re someone who needs a little help, or a lot of help thriving through the holidays this year, not just surviving them, but thriving.
Courtney Townley 1:55
Come join us, you can find out all the details about membership by going to graceandgrit.com/readytorumble.
Courtney Townley 2:05
Now, this past week, I wrapped up The Consistency Code Crash Course. Thank you to all that participated. It was awesome. I had so much fun teaching that class. And we got a lot of incredible feedback. But I’m bringing it up because on day one of the event I talked about the necessity of being able to identify your compelling reasons for leaning into work for creating change in your life.
Courtney Townley 2:34
If you want to show up for yourself on the regular if you want to show up for yourself in powerful ways. Getting clear on your compelling reasons for doing so is an absolute must. So what is the compelling reason? Like what is that really? Well, some people refer to it as your why right? We often hear like why, what’s the why behind the action? And Simon Sinek, who is an amazing author, he says that our Why is our purpose, our cause our belief, the driving force behind everything that we do. And I want to offer that compelling reason, the way I like to sort of teach it is that there are compelling reasons or reasons that demand your time, energy and attention. And yes, I very intentionally use that word demand. That they are reasons that demand you keep showing up. They don’t just suggest that you show up. They really demand that you show up because they have such a poll.
Courtney Townley 3:42
They’re so important. I like to say the compelling reasons are reasons worth rumbling for. And the Rumble is the willingness to make mistakes, the willingness to fail at times the willingness to face fear and really lean into any emotion. So it’s a redirect. If you’re feeling a little lost right now compelling reasons can be a redirect. compelling reasons are a reminder about why you started in the first place. And I also like to think of them as a navigational beacon.
Courtney Townley 4:22
When I’m feeling like I’m starting to travel down roads I don’t really need to be on or I’m feeling like I’m just a little lost in the wilderness. The compelling reasons always pull me back. They give me that there’s my navigational beacon that directs me back to traveling in the direction I intended to go. So why do they matter? Well, vague vision a vague why a vague, compelling reason is only going to produce for Are you very vague action. So to me vague sounds like I want to lose weight, I want to show up for myself more consistently, I want to make time to exercise my body. All of those statements are very big and very vague. They could mean so many things.
Courtney Townley 5:23
So it’s no wonder that when we’re using reasons like that, that we don’t have a strong compulsion to actually take action. So what’s missing to me and all of those statements is a real why.
Courtney Townley 5:39
Okay, you want to lose weight, why? You want to show up for yourself more often, why? You want to make time to move your body more why. And we’re gonna get into some really clear skill sets that will help you to uncover the why here in just a second. But a lot of you’ve probably long heard me say on this Podcast, that clarity is the mother of discipline, when we are clear on our purpose, and our passion, and why we’re pursuing the things that we’re pursuing, it gets a whole lot easier to show up, not just once, not just twice, but with regularity. If we’re reminding ourselves, of the compelling reason, on a regular basis, compelling reasons, generate emotion. That’s what they do, they make us feel something really powerful. And that emotion, or I should say, emotion, in general, is really the driver of action or inaction.
Courtney Townley 6:45
If I have a strong reason for doing something, that reason is going to generate some powerful emotion. And that emotion is going to inspire me into action. And when you know your why, when you know your compelling reason, you will figure out the way you may not have it all figured out from the outset. I know, we all wish that was the case that we could have it all laid out for us before we ever took the first step. But when you have a compelling reason, for creating something in your life, for making a change, that compelling reason will help you to solve problems, and it will help you to persevere, you will figure it out. So how do you know you have found a compelling reason?
Courtney Townley 7:33
Well, I always like to say you’ll feel it in your bones. Like it will just hit you like a truth bomb. You just know that this is your reason. Because you feel it in yourself. You feel it in your core, you have a visceral response. You’ll also know that you’ve landed on a compelling reason. Because it ignites you into action. You get excited about taking action, rather than feeling like oh, I have to do this thing today.
Courtney Townley 8:09
Alright, so let’s get into the real grid of this, which is the work, right? How do we find our compelling reasons? Well, there’s lots of ways, but I’ll share just a few ways that I love to help clients dig for their compelling reasons.
Courtney Townley 8:25
First of all, the five why’s I will tell you I learned the five why’s many moons ago, I think it was probably 15 years ago when I went through my first course with precision nutrition. When I went through my I think it was level one certification, we learned the five why’s and I have used this exercise. Pretty much I think with almost every client I’ve ever worked with to some level, they may not know I’m actually doing this drill, but it’s where this comes from.
Courtney Townley 8:54
The five why’s is basically just posing the question to yourself, Why am I even pursuing this? Why am I even putting this thing on my schedule? And the answer initially is going to be something pretty superficial. Like it just is. And I often hear I’ll give you an example. Because this is such a common example. I want to lose weight. That’s very big. That’s very vague. It’s not very compelling. That doesn’t excite me. It doesn’t excite the person I’m talking to right the person who said the statement, they don’t seem excited about it. So then I’ll just dig a little deeper by asking another why. So this is our second why. Why do you want to lose weight? And often the answer gets a little deeper. So I might hear something like well, I want to feel better in my body. Okay, awesome. Here’s my third Why Why? Why do you want to feel better in your body? And then the answer start going deeper still. Well All, when I feel better, I show up more powerfully in my life. And of course, I poke again. Well, why is that important to you? Why is it important to you to show up powerfully in your life?
Courtney Townley 10:19
And this is where it gets starts getting really good is usually I’m like that fourth, fifth, sometimes even the sixth why? I might hear something like, well, because I want to be fully present for the things that I care about. And why do you want to be present for the things that you care about? Because when I show up as my best for the things that I care about, I feel at peace with how I’m living my life. Oh, I see. So this is really about you living at peace with your life. To hear the difference. It’s so different.
Courtney Townley 11:02
All right, another way that you can uncover your why is referring to what I call your priority filter. Now, I know there’s probably a lot of things in your life you’re interested in. But I want you to get really clear for a minute about what maybe the top three most important things are, you could do like top three to five. But I really do think the less you put on this list, the better.
Courtney Townley 11:27
So, if you could only choose three things to give your time and attention to today. What would those three things be? Now those three things, I that usually encourage a client to put an order, which is really tough for a lot of people. So if you could only give your attention to these three things, what order do these three priorities go in? So we spend a little time doing that. And then we start to use that as a filter for our decision making. But we also use it as a filter for getting clear on our compelling reasons. By you following through with whatever the commitment is, let’s just say my commitment is to get to bed earlier, on a regular basis, I need to get more sleep, I need to honor my body with more sleep. Great. If you know that that’s your commitment. How is that commitment going to enhance those three priorities? Right, because I really want you to see how this one commitment is going to expand all these dimensions of your life that you care so much about.
Courtney Townley 12:47
If my priority filter had my career, my family, and maybe my health, those were my top three priorities. And I’m considering my commitment of getting to bed at a reasonable hour, so I can honor my body with the sleep that it needs and deserves. How is that going to enhance my career? Well, I’m going to think more clearly at work, I’m going to be a way better problem solver. I’m going to be so much more productive, I’m going to be a way better coach. And on and on it goes. I mean, there are so many endless benefits to how feeling rested is going to enhance my business life. Then I look at my family life. How is that one commitment going to enhance my family life? Well, I’m much nicer when I’m well rested. I’m a better communicator, I’m better at holding my boundaries. I’m better at asking for what I need. It’s just there. Again, there’s an endless benefit. But I really want to highlight what those benefits are because it starts to compel me into action. And then looking through the lens of my health, I mean, dear Lord, I’ve done so many podcasts on the connection between sleep and health. But I can again, do that exercise with myself. If I honor my need for rest. How is that going to improve my health? Well, I definitely am going to feel like I’m more motivated to move my body the next day and eat well, right it’s going to inform all my decisions the next day. I know that my hormones function better when I’m well rested. I know my joints hurt a little bit less. So just really getting crystal clear on the advantages of again how that one commitment is going to expand that priority.
Courtney Townley 14:41
Now the third way I have for you to reveal compelling reasons. This is actually something we do inside the Rumble & Rise community that I am such a fan of. We did it for the first time last year and I just it just has energized me. I think almost it has energized me every month. This year. So we did an exercise last December of setting impossible goals. And what is an impossible goal, an impossible goal is a goal that you set based on something that is important to you. But the objective of the goal isn’t necessarily to reach it. It is to pursue it. Knowing that the reward is going to be in who you become along the way, whether or not you achieve the goal or not.
Courtney Townley 15:31
People inside the community, one gal set out to run a marathon, another woman is setting out to build a business, I had a goal of reaching a certain level of membership in my community, and also only working within certain hours. So I was kind of protecting my time. And this feels really scary, by the way, because impossible goals literally feel impossible. Like you have to set a goal that is so lofty, that you really don’t know that you’re going to reach it. So if I said, Well, I’m going to work between the hours of nine to five Monday through Friday, right? Well, that, that feels kind of possible. And it doesn’t feel like that much effort to make that happen. But if I set the goal, which I did was I was going to work Monday through Thursday, between the hours I think it was 830. And three. That’s hard. Because at the time I set the goal, I was working almost seven days a week, at all hours of the day. So that felt monumental like, Okay, well, that sounds lovely, I have no idea how I’m gonna get there, it doesn’t feel possible. But it’s feels delicious. It feels like if I could make that happen, that would be amazing.
Courtney Townley 16:52
I hope you hear kind of like the difference between just a big goal and an impossible goal. Now, the reason I’m bringing up the impossible goal, is because we can use that impossible goal as a compelling reason. So again, let’s just use my example of getting more sleep at night. Well, if I put that up against my impossible goal of working only so many hours, a day a week. How will that compel me into action? Well, again, I know that I’m when I’m well rested, I’m more willing to take risks, I am much better at simplifying processes. So I see spaces where I can save time, I’m better at making decisions. I’m better at asking for help. And all of these things actually contribute to me getting closer to that impossible goal.
Courtney Townley 17:55
I can use my impossible goal itself as a compelling reason for all these other things that I want to be doing to take care of myself. All right, and then I’m gonna be one more tip here. This is a little bit less grand. But it’s really powerful. Which is the brain we want to recognize loves immediate gratification. I mean, dear Lord, have we not all proved that to ourselves 1000 times, right, when we pour the glass of wine at night, or we eat the sugar, or we turn on another episode of Netflix, we’re gratifying the brain immediately, which feels good. Now, that can be a problem, because then we keep going to that source to feel good.
Courtney Townley 18:40
My point in telling you this is just to remind you that the brain does love immediate gratification. And sometimes when you have an impossible goal, or you have a really big goal, like let’s just say that you want to lose a lot of weight, or you want to build a business. Those are very sort of time expensive endeavors, they take us time, they take a lot of time. So you’re not going to get there in a month. Right, you’re probably not going to get there even in six months, it might take you a year. And a year can feel so far away to the point that it almost just feel it doesn’t feel compelling. It feels so far away. It just doesn’t resonate today. So one of the things I often encourage my clients to do is remind yourself of the benefit within the next 24 hours. So if you do this thing, if you follow through this commitment, so me getting to bed at a reasonable hour and getting quality sleep honoring my body’s need for rest.
Courtney Townley 19:41
How is that going to benefit me within the next 24 hours? How is that going to reward my brain with some immediate gratification? Well, first of all, I’m going to feel super pumped that I followed through on a commitment that I made to myself, like that’s, that’s Ground Zero. I am going to I feel good because I kept a promise. And that ultimately is going to lead to more self trust and more confidence and so many great things down the road. But in the next 24 hours, it’s also going to make me more present in my life, it is going to encourage me to show up for the work that I’ve called myself to do. And that feels so it literally in the next 24 hours. So to me, that feels very exciting, that I’m getting this benefit immediately. I don’t have to wait a year, I’m getting it in the next 24 hours. And that can be a huge game changer as well.
Courtney Townley 20:39
Now, I want to finish this episode today by just really making it clear that a compelling reason number one is dynamic. Meaning it’s always changing, it’s always evolving. And it doesn’t necessarily change and evolve in massive ways. Although it can write your reasons for leaning into anything can definitely change in big ways. But you are evolving and changing throughout your life.
Courtney Townley 21:09
Addressing your compelling reasons really isn’t a one and done exercise. It’s something that we want to do pretty regularly, to keep ourselves inspired to compel ourselves into action. I always say you guys, I mean, today, I say this almost every episode, motivation is something we work for, not something we wait for, and really reminding ourselves of our compelling reasons and reworking them if we need to. Because for whatever reason they aren’t landing is a way that we work for our motivation.
Courtney Townley 21:45
The other reminder I wanted to give you is that they just need to be visited often and much. And that can be done in a lot of ways. So you could literally read your compelling reasons, if that works for you. You could post your compelling reasons in the spaces and places that you frequent in your home. So you are constantly being reminded of these things. I know some people write them on their mirrors, I have women who leave like their compelling reasons in their purse. So there’s a lot of ways to do that. A lot of people are very visual. So seeing your compelling reasons. This is why I think vision boards kind of have such a draw for people is because it’s literally a visual reminder of what you’re trying to create. And we can do the same thing with our compelling reasons, a visual reminder of why I’m showing up to do these things today that I put on my calendar.
Courtney Townley 22:42
Another way that we can really kind of reinforce our compelling reasons is by sharing them, verbalizing them. Because it’s really easy to hide from the work that we’ve called ourselves to do. When we haven’t told anybody, right? So we can use other people for accountability by just sharing that this is what’s important to me right now, this is why I’m leaning into this work. This is why I said I couldn’t go to that party with you on Friday night. Like Share your compelling reasons. own them, really own them embody them. I hope it helps. There’s a lot in here, I think to give you at least kind of a good start to finding your compelling reasons. It’s not going to be a perfect practice if you’ve never done this before. But again, just do the work of trying to find your reasons for leaning in for doing the work for propel compelling yourself into action.
Courtney Townley 23:53
All right, and again, if you need help through the holidays, definitely this would be a great month to come join us inside of Rumble & Rise. So there’s a lot of perks, I won’t go into them here. You can read all about them on the website. But it really is a remarkable community. And I know that the work we’re going to be doing in there in November can go a really long way in helping you to enjoy the holidays a whole lot more this year. So you can find out again all the details and register by going to graceandgrit.com/readytorumble.
Courtney Townley 24:23
Alright my friends I’ll see you again next week. Thanks so much for joining me.
Courtney Townley 24:32
Thank you for listening to the grace and grit Podcast. It is time to mend the fabric of the female health story. And it starts with you taking radical responsibility for your own self care. You are worth the effort and with a little grace and grit anything is possible.