370: The Subtle Art of How to Be Grateful Anyway

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Courtney Townley 0:01
We hear a lot about the value of having a gratitude practice, but how do you actually practice gratitude when life is feeling heavy and hard?

Courtney Townley 0:11
Welcome to the Grace and Grit Podcast made for women who want their healthiest years to be ahead of them, not behind them. Join your host Courtney Townley right now as she breaks down the fairy tale, health story you have been chasing all of your life into sensible action steps and lasting change.

Courtney Townley 0:39
It seems everywhere you turn these days, there is a message that you should have a gratitude practice. And while that sounds lovely and beneficial in a lot of ways, I would love to explore today how to find gratitude even when life feels very heavy and hard. Welcome to the grace and grit podcast.

Courtney Townley 0:58
My name is Courtney Townley. I am so grateful that you’re here today. And at the time of recording this particular podcast episode, we are deep in the throes of the holiday season, and I have been having a lot of conversations this week with clients who are feeling not so grateful and not so joyful as they travel through the holidays. So some of the conversations that I’ve had this week include clients feeling a lot of grief because it’s the holidays and their loved ones are no longer around. That is heavy. That is hard.

Courtney Townley 1:36
I’ve had a lot of conversations interestingly this week with clients about job losses, having to let go of jobs, jobs letting go of them, and a lot of conversations about having to adjust expectations within a job to maintain sanity and happiness. I’ve had several conversations this week about clients who are in the throes of navigating a new diagnosis. I even had a conversation with one client who is waiting for the results of a test that may show her that she has a new diagnosis.

Courtney Townley 2:18
All of that is heavy and hard, so where does a gratitude practice fit into that? I titled this episode The Subtle Art of Being grateful anyway. And the reason I titled it that is because years ago, when I was deep in the throes of one of my own rumbles. I was having a very hard time. I was transitioning through a very difficult time in my life, and one of my dear friends said to me, Courtney, you don’t have to be grateful for everything that’s happening in your life, but it is possible to be grateful within everything that’s happening in your life. And it kind of took me a second to wrap my head around that, and then I was like, damn, she is so right. So what does that actually mean?

Courtney Townley 3:17
Well, of course, you’re not going to be grateful for loved ones not being around this holiday season, that’s not reasonable, that’s not healthy, but you can be grateful within the holiday season that you have a memory of the loved one that you were able to spend time in your life with that particular loved one, it is possible to be grateful for the indelible print that that person made on your life. It doesn’t mean you won’t feel grief and you won’t feel sad and disappointed that they aren’t there. It means that it is possible to simultaneously be grateful that they existed.

Courtney Townley 4:13
It’s not reasonable to be grateful for losing a job, especially one that you really cared about, and I should correct myself there, because I actually do have a client who was just let go from a job, and it was like the best thing ever, because it forced her to move into a direction she really wanted to go. But there was still shame, and there was still some disappointment and frustration for her about not being able to make that choice herself. It was made for her.

Courtney Townley 4:45
So while most people do not feel grateful for being fired from a job, it is possible within that situation to be grateful for perhaps. A new perspective that losing that job gave you, it is possible to be grateful for the friends and the family and the colleagues who are supporting you through that transition. Maybe you even have some money that you set aside exactly for this kind of scenario, an emergency fund of of sorts. It is possible to be grateful to yourself for doing that.

Courtney Townley 5:34
Of course, you’re not going to be grateful for a diagnosis, for a health crisis, for an injury, but it is possible to find gratitude for the maybe the medical team that you have, for the loved ones who are supporting you through it.

Courtney Townley 6:01
I think a lot of you who are the regular listeners of the show maybe heard me in my last episode talking about kind of the rumble I’m in right now with my father, who has Parkinson’s disease, and he also has a lot of other medical challenges, and things went very south very fast. And while I am not grateful for any of that, it’s my dad. I love him so deeply, and it sucks in the biggest way to watch someone you love going through that.

Courtney Townley 6:38
And simultaneously, I am feeling grateful for the unbelievable medical resources that he has in Houston, for the team that we’ve been able to kind of gather and put together to help him live independently for as long as possible and make sure that he has the level of care that he needs. I’m really grateful for every ounce of time I am able to spend with him, despite the suckiness of the reality, which is I don’t know how much longer he’s going to be around.

Courtney Townley 7:25
So you do not need to be grateful for everything that is happening in your life. It is possible to be grateful in everything that’s happening in your life, and that is a practice as hard as that practice feels sometimes it is worth leaning into because it will offer you a little peace, a little calm, even possibly a little joy.

Courtney Townley 8:00
One other thing I want to offer you before I wrap up this very short episode today, is I have also found over my lifetime, when I am in a very difficult space in my life and I am struggling to find gratitude. I’m struggling to find things to be grateful for. I’m struggling to find joy. That is usually my cue to get out of my head and into the actual experience.

Courtney Townley 8:32
For example, when I was most recently with my dad, it was very easy for me to start projecting things that might happen in the future. So I started stressing about how little time I might have left with him. I started, you know, having anxiety about what his future with Parkinson’s might look like for him, so how much he might suffer in the future, these kinds of things, and when I recognized that I was doing that, I was overthinking I wasn’t actually with my father in that moment, because I can’t be thinking about the future and be fully in the experience of being with him simultaneously. So for me, the practice of getting out of my head and into the actual experience of living whatever that is in that moment can really help to soften things. It brings me to the present moment.

Courtney Townley 9:37
So I hope there’s something in that for anyone who is listening today, who is just feeling like life is very heavy and hard right now, it is possible to find things to be grateful for, no matter what is happening. Maybe it’s a hand to hold, maybe it’s a light breeze on your face, maybe it’s just the capacity to breathe and stay away. Make to what’s happening. There’s always something to be grateful for, and gratitude just helps to soften the heavy and hardness and the the second piece is getting out of your head and into the actual experience of what is true right now, what is actually right in front of you.

Courtney Townley 10:27
And I want to finish this podcast today by just extending my own very heartfelt gratitude for you being here at all and having listened to this episode. If you’re a new listener, thank you for taking the risk, and, you know, giving the investment of a few minutes of your time, and if you’re someone who has been a long time listener who continuously comes back, you decide over and over again to listen to this show in a sea of so many podcasts.

Courtney Townley 10:58
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I appreciate it more than you will ever know. I so love doing this show, and I hope to be doing it well into the future. We’re our 10th year in and hopefully there will be 10 years more. I am wishing you a very healthy and happy holiday season, and I will see you again very soon. Take care.

Courtney Townley 11:27
Thank you for listening to the Grace and Grit Podcast. It is time to mend the fabric of the female health story, and it starts with you taking radical responsibility for your own self care. You are worth the effort, and with a little grace and grit, anything is possible.