388: Woman of Grace & Grit: Val Thompson on Healing and Reinvention at Midlife

Transcripts are auto-generated.

Courtney Townley 0:01
Are you tired of feeling lost in the chaos of midlife? Well, today, on the Grace and Grit podcast, I am joined by a client of mine who also happens to be a wellness coach, Val Thompson, who is going to share with you how she transformed in her own personal life a season of crisis and chaos to really making it a comeback. And she did that by reclaiming her energy, her boundaries and herself without apology. And I think this conversation is going to help you do the same.

Courtney Townley 0:29
Welcome to the Grace and Grit podcast made for women who want their healthiest years to be ahead of them, not behind them. Join your host Courtney Townley right now as she breaks down the fairy tale, health story you have been chasing all of your life into sensible action steps and lasting change.

Courtney Townley 0:58
Hello, my friends and welcome to the Grace and Grit podcast. I am your host, Courtney Townley, and I am so delighted today to be bringing back a series that we used to run on the Grace and Grit podcast pretty regularly, and that series was called Women of Grace and Grit. And what that series was was really bringing on clients that I had worked with over the years to share their rumbles and rises with you, to share kind of their experience of working with me to give you kind of their big ahas, of the journey that they went on, and also just to normalize, really the chaos of midlife, because it can be so chaotic and so incredibly disorienting.

Courtney Townley 1:36
So to reignite this series, I have invited Val Thompson to the show. And I want to start by saying that Val is a wellness coach in her own right. She too, works with midlife women. She’s going to share a little bit of that in the episode today, but I think it’s important to highlight this for podcast listeners, because I love reminding you that probably 30 to 40% of my clientele is made up of trainers and nutritionists and coaches and physicians and therapists. And why is that true?

Courtney Townley 2:09
Because it’s one thing to know a lot about health and well being, but it’s something else to apply what we know. And there is not a human on the planet. There is not a midlife woman in existence who does not rumble in her own health, journey in some way, shape or form. We are all human. We all have gaps. We all have struggles. And just because we know a lot of information does not necessarily we mean we are applying that information with any degree of consistency.

Courtney Townley 2:38
So Val is going to be especially generous in this conversation. Because she shares with you some of her very real struggles through the midlife transition. There has been a season for her that has been especially chaotic, and she rumbled hard, and having her share that conversation with you, I hope will help you to find some peace in your own process.

Courtney Townley 3:03
More specifically, I just want to share with you. We are going to talk about how to reclaim your energy when you feel depleted by life’s demands, because there’s a lot of demands that show up at midlife that we often do not expect. We are going to talk about how to make peace with the expectations that you have for your body, because a lot of women are beating themselves up because their body is not behaving in the way that it did 1020, 30 years ago.

Courtney Townley 3:30
And so how do we how do we solve that? How do we soften that? And we are also going to talk about some mindset shifts that will help you to embrace restoration as an act of self honoring and as a real high level of self-care, because it absolutely is. So if all that sounds good for you, let’s not delay this any further. We’re going to get into this conversation with my dear friend and amazing client, Val Thompson, Miss Valerie Thompson, welcome to the grace grit podcast.

Val Thompson 4:01
Oh, thank you for having me. Courtney. I’m so excited. You’re people to talk to. I love that. Yeah, I’ll come on. They’ll see what

Courtney Townley 4:09
So good. So good. Yeah, I love having conversations, and I think this will be really good for the audience to hear as well. So obviously, I’ve just read your bio, but just tell people, maybe from your perspective, like, just how would you define Val Thompson at this stage of your life?

Val Thompson 4:25
Oh, my, that’s that is very broad. So I’m 54 mother of two grownish boys. They’re 23 and 25 I was a stay at home mom for for 20 years. Loved it. I mean, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. And you know, you start getting your kids ready to graduate. I mean, that’s the whole purpose, you know, we want to get them out of the nest.

Val Thompson 4:47
And you really think you’re ready, and then, like, empty nesting really kind of threw me for a loop, which is funny, because I thought I was going to have all this extra time and all this stuff, but I realized, you know, through coach. And all the good stuff is like, you keep filling up your cup because you’re so used to that pace. And so age 54 Valerie is slowing down. And really, you know, asking yourself good questions, where I want to be in 10 years, 20 years, you know, lots of changes in my life, and we can talk about those later.

Courtney Townley 5:21
But yeah, do you think it’s fair to say that you’re making peace with slowing down at 54

Val Thompson 5:25
Yeah, it’s been really hard. And I mean, you described me well one day, you said, Val, you’re like a racehorse. You you go and you go and you go until you’re exhausted, and then, you know, you fall over and and it took me about three or four of those times where you literally can’t pick your head up, and so you start being grateful and going, Yeah, you know what? Maybe it’s a better idea. How can I do this better?

Courtney Townley 5:50
Well, let me explain for listeners to that pattern in you, because this is I’ve been in this pattern a million times in my life. I see it in so many of my clients, where we go all out, full bore, we take on all the things for all people all at once, yes? And then inevitably, what’s what happens is we hit that brick wall, and then we have to take weeks or months or years to recover, yeah, and then we do it all over again. Yes? We cycle the

Val Thompson 6:18
book by Gabor Mate, he talks about when the body says, No, I’ve read that book probably three times, because it is the story of me and you and all the women that I know that we just push. We just push and push and push until we’re like, oh, okay, I guess it’s time I stop now.

Courtney Townley 6:41
Yeah, yeah. And I think the gift of midlife is we just get very intolerant of burnout, of constant face planting and then taking so long to get ourselves back, you know, in online, for lack of a better way of saying it.

Val Thompson 6:54
And that took me a long time to give myself grace for that, because, you know, nobody wants to think of old means you’re slowing down. You know, we’ve all got these weird definitions of what old is, and so, yeah, I had to sit down. I’m like, Okay, what does this mean? And, you know, it does mean that I am, you know, not as good as I once was, or does that mean I’m smarter and I’m wiser than I used to when I would do stuff that I didn’t need to be doing anyway.

Courtney Townley 7:22
Let’s go with that ladder definition. That’s so much better. I’m just getting smarter. Yes. I mean, come on. So good. Okay, well, everyone’s gonna hear the southern twang, so tell them where you’re from. Oh, yeah,

Val Thompson 7:33
I’m from South Alabama. I can’t believe I’ll have a southern twang. So I am super close to Florida borders. I’m about two hours from the beach, small town called Dutton, Alabama. So

Courtney Townley 7:42
great. Okay, so you know, because you’re a member of the Rumble and Rise community, which is my online membership, and the way that we start all coaching calls, and this isn’t just with my membership, this is how I start calls with all of my clients. Is where you winning and where are you rumbling? So I would love to start that with you today, in front of 1000s of people. Where are where are you winning in life right now with slowing down, we heard that. So

Speaker 1 8:06
when winning right now is I’ve really have an opportunity to reframe and rebuild my life exactly like I want to, like I discussed earlier. My kids are off, so I’ve got one in vet school. I’ve got one in dental school. Both of them are, like, far from home, so I don’t get to see them, so I can’t say, oh, well, my kids need me. So okay, check that one off, and it’s like, a lot of deep questions. Yeah,

Val Thompson 8:32
I feel like I have four years between now and when the boys get out of their schools, and it’s like, okay, this is my time, and I do put a little pressure on myself. I’m like, What am I gonna complain about when I’m 68 or 70, whatever that I didn’t do? And I think for me, the urgency comes from like I both of my parents passed away early. My dad was 59 my mom was 68 so I was in my 30s when my mom passed away. I had three and a five year old, and we had just moved to Dothan, and I had a miscarriage all in, like one month out of that. Well, now we know, right, that was a lot of hormone dysregulation, you know, but nobody talked about that.

Val Thompson 9:21
Then there was no one to guide me through any of that stuff. So, yeah, I put myself in an early perimenopause and an early menopause by 47 and I do think it was a lot of stress levels. And just really it took, it takes a toll on the body. Oh, and I was a runner. Love to run. I was just do it. And like I shared with you earlier, there was a season in my life where I was living literally on marble lights and coffee. That’s a lot of stimulus,

Courtney Townley 9:52
yeah, and you do everything full out, right? Like you go all in with

Speaker 1 9:58
the rumble, yeah. So I would. On, and I would smoke and I would have caffeine, oh my gosh. So yeah, that it’s no wonder, like, I have so much respect for my body now. And I’m like, Okay, I treat it much more kind than I used to, because and I never I’m like, This baby’s gonna last me for a while, yeah?

Courtney Townley 10:20
But I love that as a rise, right, that I’m just treating myself with so much more kindly and with so much more respect and grace, like that’s that’s beautiful to be able to say. So where would you say you’re rumbling right now.

Speaker 1 10:32
Okay, this makes me laugh, because this is the season of my life when I literally have all the time that I want for myself, Yes, and what I’m rumbling with is time management. I mean, it’s so funny because, you know, I’ve got my own company. I started being a health coach about eight years ago. And you know this better than anybody, when you are by yourself doing your own thing. It is really easy to like, Huh?

Courtney Townley 11:08
Squirrel, squirrel, yeah, you’re exactly important, right? Yeah,

Speaker 1 11:12
yeah. And so I have had, you know, big life changes with a divorce and another breakup, and so those things come with, you know, you have to start over. You have to speak to yourself kindly, and so, yeah, time management is the thing that I’m rumble with, but it’s much better than it was six months ago.

Courtney Townley 11:29
And you know, it’s, I think it’s such an important thing, because I see it in so many of the clients that I work with. Because midlife is such a period of transition, and it looks different for everybody. For some people, it looks like divorce. For some people, it looks like career transition, moving out of the house, sometimes all of the above. Parents, yeah, parents, right, that’s a whole thing, yeah.

Courtney Townley 11:48
And in that transition, I think there’s so much opportunity to kind of lose our way, because we feel like we’re supposed to have it all figured out. I see this a lot with people retiring too, yes, like, all of a sudden they have all this time on their hands, yes, to the point that they literally are doing nothing yes because they just feel overwhelmed, maybe by opportunity.

Courtney Townley 12:09
Or I have a theory too, that they’re so freaking tired from pushing so hard in their careers that sometimes it takes them almost a year to kind of get their energy back online. I’ve seen that as well, yeah, but it’s that liminal space between coming from one identity. So for you, I hear it as like, mother, wife, you know, kind of friend, the keeping the home, all the

Val Thompson 12:33
Faber volunteer. I volunteered for everything, yeah, yeah. And then,

Courtney Townley 12:38
and then, all of a sudden, being in the space where it’s like, okay, well, that’s no more. I love how you positioned it, because you said, Well, I get, I have this incredible opportunity ahead of me, oh yeah, to redesign my life into what I want it to be, yeah. And that is such a potent way to look at it, versus Yeah. Something has gone wrong here. And you know, I’m in this situation because, I mean, we could write a whole script about that, that would be incredibly depleting and and, well,

Val Thompson 13:06
I credit that to you. And rumble and rise being on there, because it’s, it is so easy to get sucked. You’ve been there with me. Just get sucked in that black hole of despair. And, you know, there was one season that I was crying so much and we couldn’t figure it out, and it was my estrogen, right? And it’s like, there’s so much good that comes from HRT, but it’s not like a one one stick works at all. You know, you have to play around with it and find what’s optimal for you.

Courtney Townley 13:38
Grief there, Val like it wasn’t just estrogen. There’s a grief of transition that I think enough about. It’s Yes, we see the beauty in it. We see the opportunity in it. But there’s also this grief of like, kind of lamenting what was

Val Thompson 13:53
yes. Oh, this grief and, and I don’t like to feel those uncomfortable emotions. Oh, yeah. Nobody feeling sad about something or grief about something, it always follows with shame. Oh, I shouldn’t feel that way. I shouldn’t do that. And so, yeah, I’ve had to sit and rumble with that feeling. And you know, those, those things go back to childhood. You know, you don’t just happen upon that. And depending on whose childhood did what for me, I had the alcoholic father, the and so it does lead to some thoughts that you really have to sit with at some point in your life, either younger, you know, mid, whatever, because usually it’s something that is just negatively in your life that you can you can definitely work on belief. So I think that’s the biggest thing

Courtney Townley 14:43
well, and I think for you, there was a lot of the people pleasing and the trying to manage other people’s emotions, even though that, you know, that’s like theoretically, you know, that’s not your work exactly.

Courtney Townley 14:55
But when you are raised in a household of trying to control your dad’s out. Alcoholism, or your mom’s emotions or whatever. We just build those mechanisms at such a young age, and then here we are on the threshold of, like, 50 and beyond, and it’s like, how, how did I get here? Like, how did I still practicing these things? But they did.

Courtney Townley 15:14
They were just coping mechanisms that stuck with you for a really long time, and then you have to stand face to base with them and then start doing the work to change that, which is not easy work, as you well know, and it’s work that would be so much more fun to avoid until it’s not because it doesn’t. I

Speaker 1 15:30
wasn’t. I was in my late 30s before I ever heard the the term that you don’t have to hear every you don’t have to listen to every thought you think like I was listening.

Courtney Townley 15:40
Oh, that must be you were buying in you weren’t just listening. You were buying. Yeah,

Speaker 1 15:44
absolutely, absolutely. And so like, when you respect the pause, as you say often in March, things start changing.

Courtney Townley 15:53
Yeah, they do. Okay. So you and I have worked together for a while. I don’t know. How long? Do you know? How long

Speaker 1 15:58
I two years? I looked it up because I was like, how long? So, it’ll be two years in February.

Courtney Townley 16:02
Okay, so two years in February, and what brought you in initially? Do you think? Like, what? What was the original problem you were trying to solve when you came out?

Speaker 1 16:10
I was looking for support. So here I was in South Alabama. I had had my business being a health coach. Things were great. You know, covid happened all the world was weird. And so 2023 we were all just coming out of this funk, I think. And, yeah, I was looking on there because I wanted to find some like minded people like me that could kind of hold me accountable. And lo and behold, here’s little court.

Val Thompson 16:41
Courtney Townley, and so I stalked you for a while, and I think I did one of your free classes or whatever. And I’m like, okay, yeah. And so, um, yeah, that that’s a no brainer for people that are listening or women, especially if they’re going through a hard time, like you need some kind of accountability. That’s the whole reason

Courtney Townley 17:01
I coach. Yeah, it’s so true. I think we, we often have that attitude of, like going it alone, or what you and I think both see, and I see just so many of my clients doing doing this, when they first come to work with me, is there are deeper issues, right your nervous system work that you’ve had to dive into and kind of making peace with some thoughts that you had been, you know, using, damaging you. And there was so much, so much bigger work that you were being called into.

Courtney Townley 17:32
And yet it’s also so easy to buy into this messaging, cultural, messaging about, you know, just get fitter, just get more fit, just lose a little bit more weight, like just solve both problems and everything else just resolves itself, yes, and, and that is not at all the work that we did together. No, no.

Speaker 1 17:51
And you and I had similar stories, like you, you know, you had a story that I understood, because right after you had your son, you know, you did not feel good, and everybody was complimenting you on how fast you lost the weight. And so it’s kind of similar with me.

Val Thompson 18:07
So right after my divorce, I lost all kinds of weight, and it wasn’t that I wasn’t eating, it was absolutely stress, but, you know, I had maxed my body out. But man, I I I lost a ton of weight, and I got more confidence. And it’s just so bizarre. You know, it’s like, we, yeah, we can have a whole conversation on that

Courtney Townley 18:34
whole Yeah, but this is such a great point. I love you’re bringing it up because it’s, it’s crazy how people are conditioned to think about health, that they see you getting smaller, and somehow that that’s just that’s worthy of praise, and that’s a good thing. And yet, when we really poke at the story of why that’s true, right?

Courtney Townley 18:54
It was again, like caffeine and coffee and caffeine and cigarettes and, yeah, the hill and not taking care of yourself probably because you were in a deep stage of grief, right? And yet, from the outside, we could argue, oh, but she’s also a yoga teacher, right? And she’s also like, Yeah, she looks fit and she looks healthy. And so,

Speaker 1 19:18
I mean, that’s really, I mean, I’m grateful. I’m now to the point where I am grateful for anything that’s happened in my life, because I know it’s led me to where I am now, and like having to go through, I mean, you’re talking about, you know, parents passing away early.

Val Thompson 19:33
We’re talking about all the things, empty, nesting, financial, you know, worries and what’s gonna happen to me, kind of thing, and, you know, divorce and all the things, and so I think that’s why I love to coach, because I see women just like you do, and it’s so inspirational, like when they start, you know, crawling themselves out of these stressful events. It’s just a beautiful thing to see.

Courtney Townley 19:59
So let me ask you this. Yes, knowing what you know now coming through, we’re going to call it the valley that you’re in that was in the valley, that was in the valley, and she’s kind of coming up the other side. Like, what would you say, like, health really is to you at this stage of life? Like, what would you say? Like, healthy is to you? Yeah, for lack of a better way of saying that health is hope,

Val Thompson 20:25
and because,

Speaker 1 20:30
you know, I’m active, I, you know, that’s a lot of my problem. As far as time management, I like to move my body. I like to walk and run and get outside and kayak and do all the things. And I have a tendency to, like, stack ’em real high, and so I always wanna be able to do that.

Val Thompson 20:47
And so health now is like, Okay, I wanna get an in and out of the bathtub, taking a soaking bath. You know, at night. That’s really important to me. I like it. I wanna be able to change my own light bulb. I wanna be able to carry those 50 pound bags of dog food, you know, that I get for buster. And so it’s those things that you’re like, Okay, for real, if I want to age, well, what does that look like? Yeah, yeah.

Courtney Townley 21:13
And for you to be able to be in that space right now, over the past couple of years, what did your healing work look like for you? Because I think it’s really important for listeners to hear this, because they could hear you say that and be like, Oh, she’s just been lifting weights and eating well and like all of the check checking all the boxes that Instagram tells us to check. Yeah, right, but that’s not at all the work you’ve been doing. And I’m not saying you haven’t been taking care of yourself on that level, but that’s not where I have seen you doing your deepest work. So where’s

Speaker 1 21:43
there? So just to fill everybody in. So I had a fiance that left in November, and so that was a big heartache. And so it was, you know, I tried to continue to do everything like I was doing, and the body just said no. And so I really had to stop my gym membership because lifting heavy weights, I was fine in the moment, because I think, you know, the brain will do anything that we make, get do, like we can make our body, you know, be do whatever.

Val Thompson 22:14
But it’s the aftermath, right, that we’re like, like, making me, Well, exactly anytime I would lose weight, like I would be exhausted, like, barely pick my head up. And so I had to do that, and just incorporated more yoga and less walks, which was really scary to me at the point, because you know that the media scares you to death with, oh, you’re losing muscle mass. Oh, my God, you’re not doing anything healthy, and here I am just quitting, you know, I’m literally, like, cutting back as much as I can so I can, like, fix this nervous system of mine.

Val Thompson 22:51
And so I had massages, and I had people that do craniosacral and Reiki, and I have a team. I have therapist, and so with how to have a personal trainer, so with all those people, they were kind of able to put Humpty Dumpty back together again. And that was the support that I needed. Because, you know, I mean, when you’re in a hole, you’re in a hole,

Courtney Townley 23:15
yeah, yeah. And I think it is especially when we’re in the hole, like we just kind of dig ourselves deeper into the hole by telling us, telling ourselves, we should be pushing harder, we should be trying harder, we should be adding more in, or I shouldn’t be here. How did I get here? Right? Oh, my God, yes, right. This happens to other people, not me. Yes, it’s very dramatic. Yeah, yeah, there’s, there is the pulling back, right, which I think is so important.

Courtney Townley 23:41
We talk about it a lot on the show, but that permission to pull back so you can eventually move forward again. And I know that that’s scary for a lot of people, because they feel like, if I give myself permission to pull back, I’m never gonna

Speaker 1 23:55
get going again. Oh my gosh, that was a ginormous fear. And yet it’s

Courtney Townley 23:59
like, well, how you have to re establish resources, you have to replenish resources. And how is that ever going to happen if you just pushing all the time? Well? So I think it’s something you only learn by giving yourself the grace to do it.

Speaker 1 24:15
Yeah, I think you’re right. I mean, because I try to talk to my kids now, you know, 54 year old mom trying to touch 20 something year old boys. About you? Do? You don’t have to do everything in one year, or you can slow down and they’re like,

Courtney Townley 24:29
whatever you’re crazy, right? Whatever crazy talk, Mom, I mean,

Speaker 1 24:33
think of, I think I told you, like at age 27 I moved myself by myself, drove a U haul from like Dothan, Alabama, to Birmingham, Alabama, which is about three and a half hours. I had my cat in my cab, and I was pulling my little Ford Escort. Didn’t think a thing about it, like if you made me do that today.

Courtney Townley 24:56
Marlboro light. Possibly, yeah, oh man, yeah. Right now today, the idea of that makes you what? Anxious?

Speaker 1 25:08
Yeah, it was just like, oh my. Well, I’m very proud of myself for being able to do that, but it’s like kind of wonder. You know, that was just so much. I didn’t even think about stress. Of course, we don’t think about it. We just do what we need to do, right and pay the consequences later. So yeah, that’s just now. I’m like, I don’t think I could do that right now if I had to. But maybe, who knows? Well, you

Courtney Townley 25:32
speak a little bit into your relationship around self confidence, because it sounds to me like, especially, even just through that story, right? Like there was this period of time in your youth where you were very confident, yeah, and then there was a period later in your life where some of that confidence got squashed and you had to start doing the work of rebuilding it.

Courtney Townley 25:51
And I think so many women listening can relate to that, where it’s like they kind of get to an age and they take a good look at themselves and like, how the hell did I get here? Like, this isn’t who I was. I used to never question going to take class or speaking at an event, and yeah. And now I don’t even want to leave the house because I question everything. Oh my gosh. Can you relate to that?

Speaker 1 26:13
Oh, totally, because it’s, I don’t know. In my 20s and 30s, I was very confident. I mean, I’ve always been able, you know, we moved. My ex husband was in medical school, so we started out in Birmingham. We left and went to Charleston, Charleston, back to Birmingham, Birmingham, to Dothan with, with two kids, right?

Val Thompson 26:34
And so we did what we had to do, no worries. And I’m glad we did it, but now it’s like, Ah, just going to public seems like it’s really hard. Oh, this couch really is comfortable. And I’ve never been a TV watcher, but I’ve like the whole time management with the phone and to, you know, those numbing mechanisms. And it’s that’s been just, you know, the phone is a different creature altogether. I can’t imagine if we would have had that in our 20s, how different life would have been, but yeah, so, yeah, I can definitely relate to that.

Courtney Townley 27:13
And the phone and the technology in general, I think it almost allows us to live smaller. Yeah, right. I mean, there’s so much that we don’t have to go do anymore, because we can just order our groceries. We can pretty much have anything delivered to our home, correct? And we can pretty much find anything we need online.

Speaker 1 27:30
Yeah, I tell that to my Yoga people all the time. You know, it’s that balance between effort needs of like, okay, I want to be strong. I want to do this, and then the other part of like, Oh, but I don’t have to, I’m loving myself and like, you’ve got to really be honest with yourself on, you know, compassion, discipline, where’s my balance? And what annoys me I think about this age is that I don’t know, like, some mornings I wake up and I’m like, Yes, grass is green, everything’s good, you know, whatever.

Val Thompson 28:05
But other mornings I’m crawling out of bed and I’m like, what just happened? And so, tracking my food intake, doing all those things that took a lot of I mean, I gave up alcohol, I gave up sugar. I’ve probably tried every diet, you know, there was a lot of things because I could not understand why I didn’t have energy, and I just went on a super Health Quest. Again. I think it was because my parents died so early that I’m like, Okay, we’re checking all the boxes here. But anyway, I can rumble on so good.

Courtney Townley 28:40
I love it. Okay, I’m gonna ask you some rapid fire questions. About just your experience in rumble and rise. We’re gonna get into some of your coaching work because I really wanna, I want listeners to hear about this. Yeah. So what do you think as a member of rumble and rise, like you’ve worked with me privately, but you’ve also been in that community, because that’s just a part of working with me privately, right? What do you think the most valuable part has been?

Val Thompson 29:02
Okay? So I like your workshops. Personally. I like it when they’re live, because I like to be a part of it. But the other benefit is that if you can’t make it, you’ve got them, and so you’ve got the tools there. I think a lot of them your ability to break things down. You know, easy, you’re very patient. And so you give us

Courtney Townley 29:27
that my husband,

Val Thompson 29:31
Jamie, just pat yourself on the shoulder. Yeah. So anyway, that that’s what I like about rumble rise. And of course, coming out to Montana, that was super fun. I mean, I like to meet everybody, and you see these people online, and then you get to see them in person. So it’s kind of

Courtney Townley 29:47
cool. Yeah, it’s super cool. I love, I love the retreats. Did anything surprise you about being inside that space in terms of, like, yeah, did anything strike you as surprising or unexpected?

Val Thompson 29:59
Um. How easy you make it seem here. And I’m like, yes, that looks awesome.

Courtney Townley 30:09
Yeah, right, yeah. But I’m also very real. I definitely feel very real in terms of, like, the reason I always joke that the reason I teach that all this work is because I need it as much as anybody needs it exactly.

Val Thompson 30:21
Oh, that’s the whole reason I coach. I mean, honestly, the most growth that I’ve had is through my business, because you do have to learn to be patient. You do have to learn to ask for help. I would really like to ask for help. Yeah, that’s uncomfortable and but yeah, so definitely

Courtney Townley 30:39
okay. So we I always talk about rumble and rise as a space of self-leadership for women to learn how to lead themselves better in the health arena. But what you’ve learned in that space, how do you think it has helped you in other areas of your life, as outside of health and wellbeing?

Val Thompson 30:55
Well, again, it just it. It led to a lot of questions. And so what I liked about the groups, and then again, with private coaching with you, is that you encourage me. You know, keep asking questions, keep you know, let’s, let’s see where this is gonna lead us. And when the with the gut health, and you always have great people on you’ve got a great team. I love Laney. She gives some good information. So I’ve already forgotten that question. See,

Courtney Townley 31:27
that’s okay, that’s mid life. Everyone can relate to that. Yeah. I’m

Val Thompson 31:30
like, Okay, we were going somewhere, yeah, just

Courtney Townley 31:34
how did, how did? How’s the work in rumble and rise help you in other areas of your life? Yeah? So

Speaker 1 31:38
Well, first, it’s inspired me for my own business sake. I mean being able to see another woman, you know, taking on the health and wellness arena, and like telling people, you know, hey, it’s not all about the weight. Yes, that’s a powerful message.

Val Thompson 31:55
And so for me, that’s given me confidence, because I have, I’ve gained some weight, which I think it’s good weight, but nevertheless, it’s still weight. And because weight has been such a big part of my life, how much I weighed, you know, had a lot to do with my value. Ah, hated say that out loud,

Courtney Townley 32:15
I know, but we need listeners. Need to hear it, because we can all relate to that. I mean,

Val Thompson 32:19
it hurts my heart just to say that, but yeah, and so it’s, it’s helped me in that area to keep showing up for myself. And you know, it’s okay. It’s not all about the way. You don’t want your what is it you always say you don’t want your life’s project to be just about your body,

Courtney Townley 32:35
right? Yeah, it’s so true. Yeah, if you imagine where you would be right now, if you had spent the last two years hyper focusing on your weight, with everything else that you were going through and with everything else that needed healing and attention, I don’t

Val Thompson 32:50
think I’d be smiling as much. For sure, I’d be a lot grumpier. And then, you know, like a lot of people, people assume the quantity of their food is what the problem is when actuality, it’s not the quantity at all. It’s the it’s the bad stuff, it’s the process, it’s the alcohol, it’s the sugar, it’s the whatever.

Courtney Townley 33:10
So, yeah, yeah. Okay, so let’s talk a little bit about just because you are a coach and you you’re coach for midlife women, which is amazing. And what got you into coaching originally, because you said you’ve been a coach now for what, eight years, yeah. And so what? Why did you enter those waters?

Speaker 1 33:28
Well, like most everybody, we go in there going, I want to help. I want to help. And so that was me. I wanted to help. I had so again, 30s. Mom passed away. All this stress was going on. I had a miscarriage, and so they offered Lexapro. I wasn’t helping, but I got start. That was the beginning of all my stomach troubles.

Val Thompson 33:49
And so it was very acid reflux. They had me on like five different medications at the time. I came off all of them at one time. I don’t recommend that, but I started journaling my food. And that was the first time that I really realized how much that you could affect the way you think, the way you show up, your energy level from food. And it became such a aha moment that I was like, I need to share this. So I thought I was going to be a registered dietitian.

Val Thompson 34:19
Started going back to school for that, and then I got halfway through it, and, you know, I’ve got great friends that are registered dietitian, but that’s just wasn’t where I was going. There’s a lot of Kellogg’s is in there. Pepsi is in there. We all know that they’re not the healthiest foods. So anyway, I started looking at this health coaching stuff. Nobody was a health coach. Nobody even knew what a health coach well,

Courtney Townley 34:40
didn’t exist when I started. That turned the thing, yeah, I literally

Speaker 1 34:44
felt like I was just giving myself a title, whatever. It’s how I’d already been teaching yoga. And so I started this business, and I was brick and mortar. I was actually at the yoga studio teach at, and I. Was seeing clients, you know, it was doing social media, and everything was going and then the world stopped with 2020 and we’re all like, okay, and so I started online coaching, and I think that’s how a lot of us, what year did you start doing online? On

Courtney Townley 35:13
like, 2013 I’ve been like, okay,

Speaker 1 35:17
yeah, that’s great, yeah. So you got to see a whole lot more. I mean, just in the little time that I’ve, I’ve been, it’s, it’s very interesting, you know,

Courtney Townley 35:26
one day, what’s really funny is how I started on, well, it wasn’t even technically online. I was on own, so I was working with clients remotely, all by phone, yeah, for years, uh huh, right? And then, yeah, like, I was working with a company at the time, and she, you know, she had a website, so that’s kind of how people found us, and it was all word of mouth.

Courtney Townley 35:47
But then, yeah, eventually I had to build my own ecosystem, right? I had to build a website, and I had zoom became a thing, and now my whole day is spent in front of the computer. But it is funny, and I, I really do, there’s something I miss about the old days of phone, because I do think that as long as a client, it has integrity with themselves, and they are truly present with you and you’re talking to them. Yes, it takes a lot of stimulus away to be on the phone, because you’re not looking at them correct, right?

Courtney Townley 36:15
They’re just listening to your voice, and vice versa. And yeah, there was just something really great. My calls were only 15 minutes because, wow, all I did was give people, like, basically macro macros and exercise programs so I can get that done and dusted in like, a few minutes. Do this, do this, do this. Yeah, it was completely check box oriented. Like, this is what you’re going to do this week, and then we’ll follow up next week see the progress you’ve made, which was, of course, how much do you weigh?

Courtney Townley 36:41
Yeah, and then we would rotate into, you know, years of work like that. And yeah, it was effective until it wasn’t right, until I just saw so many women starting to backslide. And yeah, even though they got to these amazing goal weights, they still weren’t happy. And there, there were so many parts of their life that were still broken. And I’m like, What are we doing here? Like, so anyway, yes, but it, but the back day, back in the day, it was on the phone

Courtney Townley 37:04
Well, and I think that’s, you know, health coach is a very loose term. And, you know, I like to tell women, you know, what I do. And it’s like, I don’t tell you what to do. So if you’re looking to me for that meal plan or whatever, and I think you and I are both in that same arena. It’s like, we’re not going to tell you what to do. We’re actually going to give you the questions so you can design your whole life. And I just think that’s amazing. what a great gift,

Courtney Townley 37:31
What a great gift. And you alluded to that earlier, like, I’m always throwing questions at you to solve your own problems, and people listening, it does aggravate me when you I know it aggravates all of us, all because it is.

Courtney Townley 37:45
It’s like, you’re, we’re reminding you to in source, right? And it’s not to say, like, if you’re really up against a wall and you’re stumped, obviously, you know, we’re gonna help solve the problem. We’re gonna help give you some things to try, yeah. But at the end of the day, the only way any kind of behavior change becomes sustainable is if we give people the power to sustain it, which means we have to consistently be asking ourselves good questions.

Courtney Townley 38:09
And man, most people don’t ask themselves questions. They just do what everyone around them is doing. They buy into what culture is selling. Right? It’s kind of like this, this herd mentality, and it’s so damaging to our health and well being because we buy into so much insanity. Oh

Val Thompson 38:24
my gosh. I mean, you can see that on Instagram and Facebook. I mean, that’s another beast in itself. And I know you and I have talked about the love hate relationship we have on social media, but it is. It is a love hate because it’s like, okay, you want people to hear this message of like, okay, but then like, Am I just adding to the noise for everybody out there? Yeah, right.

Courtney Townley 38:47
I know it’s easy to go there, but I truly believe that it’s like, there has to be the people countering the noise.

Val Thompson 38:54
They have to be Yeah, I agree.

Courtney Townley 38:58
Okay, so how has your own midlife journey impacted the way that you coach and run your business.

Speaker 1 39:03
Oh, I have so much more empathy. You know, when you go through harder things, yeah, you know it’s layers and vulnerability and all the things and so it I am definitely, like, kinder. I still hold accountability, but I’m like, okay, so you didn’t do what you thought you’re gonna do. What are you gonna make it mean? Because that was, that’s one of my favorite questions that you asked me. It’s like, okay, what are you making that mean?

Val Thompson 39:29
And I’m like, anyway, so yeah, I think I’ve had to have more grace and, like, really learn the tools that I am teaching my clients of like, how to read, what am I going to do? How am I going to build this? And so I don’t coach anybody differently than I coach myself. And so the more that I practice, the tools that I’m teaching everybody else, I think that just makes you a better coach, right?

Val Thompson 39:55
Because you know how to walk your time. Yeah, you got to walk your walk and talk your. Not for sure.

Courtney Townley 40:00
It’s funny. I think about that a lot, like, there’s, there’s definitely a swath of people I would love to go back to and just say I’m so sorry. I just didn’t know any better. I didn’t know what midlife was. I didn’t realize the rumble with hormones. I didn’t realize, like, the stress of life at this stage. There’s so many things I didn’t understand. And then, of course, the way I approached it was just fix your body.

Val Thompson 40:25
Yeah, yeah. And then, even when you have older clients. So, like, I’ve had a couple of ladies in their late 60s and 70s, and that is such a I love to coach women in that because I love to hear they want to do better, they know they are not, you know, making their their self, better, and they still have that drive. And I think that’s what being a human is all about, like just finding that purpose, or, I hate to say purpose, I don’t know you’re finding your drive. Will say that.

Courtney Townley 40:59
It’s funny you say that the purpose part? Because I’ve always rumbled with that too, because I feel like we decide our purpose. It’s not stowed upon us, yeah. But I also think the thing that I am passionate about talking about, and I think you are too, is that help we help people to live on purpose, yes, and that’s something different, right? It’s just living with intention, and just deciding the type of person you want to be, and then aligning all the bits that are not necessarily helping you to travel in that direction correct. And it’s the line.

Val Thompson 41:31
The word is alignment. I like that a lot, because, you know, the end of the day, I don’t want to be known as the woman that watched your shows. I mean, my grandmother did. I love her, but that’s what I remember about her last 20 years, is watching her shows or the Weather Channel. And I’m like, okay, is that not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I’d like to stay active as long as I want to stay active. I guess that’s what I’m saying.

Courtney Townley 41:56
I wish I remember who the article was about, but I remember reading somewhere at some point that there was, you know, it’s like a 95 year old man who still had a 10 year plan, you know. And I was like, I just love, I want to be that person I want, I still want to have a 10 year plan when I’m 95 Yeah, it doesn’t have to be climbing insane mountains and, you know, doing insane things, but just that, like you said, that drive to get up and pursue something each day, yeah, I don’t like if I lose that really, what’s the point? Like? Well, you know,

Val Thompson 42:25
yeah, and I know with just seeing my parents, of course, they did not age well, dying at 59 and 68 but you know, you do? You look back at your childhood and go, Okay, well, that makes sense of why. Think you know, some of those things. But if I want to be different, you know, I need to do differently than what my parents did. And so now I’m just trying to find, figure out what that difference? What is that difference? What is that main thing

Courtney Townley 42:54
watching all the work you’ve done over the past couple years, I would say you’ve definitely been doing it differently, because that’s not, you know, it’s just not easy work. It’s not easy work to take responsibility for our own healing, absolutely, which is why a lot of people just don’t do it. It’s easier to get over to the medical system. It’s easier to, like, blame it on other things, but when absolutely take ownership, yeah, that that’s work.

Courtney Townley 43:18
Like that is some of the hardest work you’ll ever do. And I also love what you said before too. Like, I always say healing is a team sport. It’s like, healing requires a lot of support from a lot of different angles, and that doesn’t all have to be paid, of course. Like, there’s a lot of support groups and and books and free churches and churches where we can get a lot of additional support, but the more support you have in your healing journey, I truly think the more likely it is that you’ll you’ll get so here,

Speaker 1 43:46
here’s my thoughts on, like, free help is great, like, if that’s if that’s where you go. But I do think there’s something even if, like, Rumble and runs, that is a great economical way, yeah, to hold yourself accountable, because I do think at the end of the day there has to be some kind of give and take. Like to

Courtney Townley 44:07
because, right, yeah, yeah, and so, and sometimes, because we don’t necessarily have the self respect we would like to have yet, I say that because that’s always the goal. And sometimes, like having a monetary investment, like it’s just enough of a pull, it’s gonna hurt, just enough if I don’t actually do this work, yes, and it kind of acts as a motivator for a period of time. That is absolutely true. I know

Speaker 1 44:31
you see it all the time. Women come in and they’ve tried to patch their help together, based on Instagram or Facebook reel or Tiktok, yeah. And they come in and they’re so overwhelmed, and they’re so confused, and they don’t even know where to start, and they have, like, a list of 100 things that they know they should be doing, but they’re in freeze because they’ve overwhelmed themselves so much. And so

Courtney Townley 44:51
the story is, always, I’ve tried everything and nothing works, and it’s like, okay, but how much of that did you actually do consistently over time? Well, none of it. Yeah. And So therein lies the problem.

Courtney Townley 45:01
So let’s, like, scale it way back, and let’s just decide on what makes the most sense to focus in on right now. And obviously coaching can help people figure that out. So on that note, I do want to share with listeners that you’re offering some free coaching sessions, which I definitely think people should take you up on. Yeah, so

Val Thompson 45:18
discovery call where you get to know me, and I get to know you, to see if we’re a fit. You know, I am revamping and so I am only taking private clients right now. I’m working on some good projects to be able to bring to other people a little bit later in the season. But, yeah, if they want to call, I’ll, we’ll put my website on there. They can do that. And my Instagram title is Val health coach.

Courtney Townley 45:47
Val health coach, okay, yeah, Instagram. And what’s your remind me of what your website is, Valerie’s health and wellness.com. Valerie’s health and wellness.com. Perfect, yeah. And then the link will put, we’ll also put it on the podcast page where this is on my website. So anyone who’s listening, if you just go to this episode on the grace and grit pod, on the grace and grit website page, which is grace and grit.com if you don’t know, you’ll find the link to her consult, her free consult page, and you’ll also find that link to her website. So all that will be there for you. Okay, I have one more question for you before we go. I used to ask this all the time. I feel like I’m bringing so much back. Today, we’re bringing back women of grace and grit, and we’re also bringing back this question that I used to ask every guest on the show, which is at this stage of life, how do you define grace, and how do you find grit? Define grit

Val Thompson 46:36
way grace is having the ability to say no. And I don’t know why that keeps coming up, but that’s what I feel it’s like, the ability to say no, you know, with grace, the grit part is about, you know, getting your fingers and you’re getting your teeth in, and you’re like, no matter what, this is going to work. You know, it’s kind of like building your business. I’m sure there’s been lots of times for you when you had to, like, hang on, you know, you wrote a book for goodness. Kind

Courtney Townley 47:07
of feels like every day, if we’re being honest, I feel like every day I’m like, I don’t know, I don’t know where this is going. But my husband’s question, and it’s such a good one, because obviously he sees me rumble with a lot of things in my business, and he’ll always say, when he sees them having a hard day, he’ll be like, Babe, do you still love it? And I’m like, damn it, yes, I still love it. And he’s like, okay, then keep going right, right? And that, I would say, is one of the gifts for me in midlife is just realizing more and more that the true gold is not in the outcome of my life as much as in enjoying the process of my life.

Val Thompson 47:48
Yes, and we determine if we enjoy it or not. I mean, we that. Again, we determine why we we determine if we’re enjoying this, right? So if we cram so much on our plate that we’re not enjoying it, or we’re not doing anything, we’re not enjoying it. And so again, it comes back to that, that sweet little mid ground, yeah,

Courtney Townley 48:06
it really does. And just and being able to wake up each day, even though there’s always guard, there’s always things we don’t want to do. I tell my son that all the time, because every time he has to empty the dishwasher or he he now he has a summer job, right?

Courtney Townley 48:18
And he comes home and he’s like, oh, you know, it’s work, babe. There’s always going to be things that we don’t enjoy about every job, or going to work out, or the things that we have to do to be healthy. There’s always going to be that bit yeah, if you can find ways to enjoy it a little bit more, yes, you’re going to keep doing it. You’re going to keep showing up, and you’re going to reap the benefits of that. Yes. And so that’s kind of my my even with paying bills and cleaning my house, like, how can I do this with just a little bit more joy? So I just stay consistent with it, and it is a game changer.

Val Thompson 48:52
Yeah, so have to send you. There’s a YouTube video of this little girl, and I saw it at a Joe Dispenza event, and he’s like, in the mirror, and she’s like, I’m great. I’m gonna have a good day. I’m like, some mornings, that’s what it’s like. It’s like, okay, right? We’re gonna do this.

Courtney Townley 49:10
We’re totally gonna do this. Yeah. Oh, it’s so good. Oh, I love talking to you. I could talk to you all day, but this was great. I think there was that we covered a lot of ground. There’s a lot of goodness in this episode, and I really appreciate you making the time.

Val Thompson 49:22
Oh my gosh. I’ve been looking forward to this like, you know you’re one of my favorite people to talk to, and so we don’t get to spend as near as much time together. So I appreciate you. Thank you so much.

Courtney Townley 49:32
Thank you so much. All right, have a great day. All right, see ya.

Courtney Townley 49:41
Thank you for listening to the Grace and Grit podcast. It is time to mend the fabric of the female health story, and it starts with you taking radical responsibility for your own self-care. You are worth the effort, and with a little grace and grit, anything is possible.