371: From Fear to Freedom: The ‘What If’ Shift

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Courtney Townley 0:01
Have you ever found yourself caught in an endless loop of playing the what if game that really paralyzes you to take action, which usually sounds like, what if I fail at this? What if I’m not good enough? What if I make a fool of myself? What if everything I’ve been working on falls apart.

Courtney Townley 0:21
Well, what if I told you that there’s a different version of the what if game one that doesn’t encourage you to play small but actually invites you to step into the opportunity that is your life fully and unapologetically. Well, today we’re flipping the script on the what if game. We are going to explore how asking the right type of what if question can actually spark courage, fuel action and open the door to a life that you’re actually really excited to be living. It is time, my friends, to play a better what if game.

Courtney Townley 1:00
Welcome to the Grace and Grit Podcast made for women who want their healthiest years to be ahead of them, not behind them. Join your host Courtney Townley right now as she breaks down the fairy tale health story you have been chasing all of your life into sensible action steps and lasting change.

Courtney Townley 1:28
Welcome to the Grace and Grit Podcast. My name is Courtney Townley, and I’m the hostess of the show. I am so delighted that amongst all the podcasts that you could have chosen to listen to today, you found yourself here with me.

Courtney Townley 1:40
Now most of us are masters at playing some version of the what if game, and unfortunately, most people are playing the version that really deflates them and riddles them with self doubt. And just to make it very clear, the what if game is simply asking yourself a bunch of what if open ended questions so sentences that start with, what if it’s as simple as that. Now Life is one big what if life is uncertainty. We never know exactly how something is going to work out. In fact, I often find myself reminding my clients that every decision they have ever made has been based on a best guess. They made the best guess based on the best information they currently knew at the time. Sometimes that works out in their favor, sometimes it doesn’t.

Courtney Townley 2:41
So I find myself coaching a lot on the what if mindset, more specifically the negative what if mindset, which sounds like, what if I mess this up, what if this is harder than I expected. What if I hate it. And there’s really two big problems with the negative what if line of thinking. The first big problem is that asking yourself, What if, in a way that generates fear and anxiety is always going to prevent you from taking action. Remember, the brain’s main objective is to keep you alive and keep you safe, and conjuring up what if scenarios that induce terror and fear is scary, like I mean, that does not feel good. It freaks the brain out, and a scared mind default is always going to be to retreat from the thing that it fears. The second problem with the negative, what if? Game is we’re asking open ended questions as if someone else has the answer, no one else has the answer. Life is uncertain for all of us.

Courtney Townley 4:12
I always find it a little bit of a comic relief when I find myself going down the track of what if thinking, Who exactly am I asking these questions to nobody knows here if I’m going to fail. Nobody knows if I’m going to disappoint somebody by making this decision. And here’s the really empowering thing to remember, what if I just answered the question for myself? What if I fail at this? Well, if I fail at it, I’m probably going to be a little disappointed for a few days, and then I’m probably going to stand up, dust myself off, get some better information, do a little bit more research, and try again. So when I. My own answers to my own what if questions, I get a tremendous amount of relief.

Courtney Townley 5:08
So if you are stuck right now in a space of asking a lot of negative what if questions, and you know, they’re negative because they’re conjuring up a lot of unnecessary fear and suffering. So if your what if questions are generating a lot of difficult emotion, you either need to ask better what if questions, which I’m going to teach you how to do here in just a second, or you need to answer your own what if question, and the way that I like to answer a lot of my own what if questions is just with the statement, even if, even if I fail, I know I’m going to be okay, because I’m a smart cookie. I can figure this out. I have failed at things in the past. It didn’t destroy me, even if leads me down a pathway of really empowering myself to remember that I will figure it out eventually. So there is a different version of the what if game that we can play. It is very simple.

Courtney Townley 6:20
It’s obviously asking, what if questions that inspire you into action rather than compel you to hide from taking action. And there’s a great quote, I’m sure you have heard it before, that kind of summarizes this. It simply says, What if I fall Oh, but my darling, what if you fly. That quote is by Aaron Hanson, an Australian poet. I’ve heard a lot of different renditions of that over the year, but it so beautifully summarizes this concept that I can play a what if game that destroys me, or I can play a what if game that amplifies everything that I am and the possibility before me, and that sounds like, what if I succeed at this? What if this turns out to be one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life? What if this changes my life for the better? Or, heck, what if this actually changes someone else’s life for the better? What if this helps me to understand myself better, so I can live my life better?

Courtney Townley 7:33
So I want to give you some very tangible action steps, because we’re not just about information on this podcast. We’re about application. So a couple of things I would challenge you to do is, number one, start to get some clarity around your own What if default questions? And I can pretty much guarantee, if you are someone who feels very stuck in some area of your life, you are most likely asking negative what if questions? What if I fail? What if I never figure this out? What if everybody hates me? What if I never get to whatever that achievement is? Right? You’re playing some rendition of that game, so get clear on what your default what if questions are especially in the areas you’re feeling stuck. And then I would encourage you to consider empowering alternatives to that question.

Courtney Townley 8:35
Empowering alternatives would either look like answering your own question. What if you do fail? What if this is harder than you thought? Answer those questions for yourself. You could also even if the scenario so, rather than what if I fail, even if I fail, finish that sentence. What are you going to do if you fail, those are all empowering alternatives. But of course, one of the simplest empowering alternatives is just to ask better questions. Better questions are what if questions that inspire you into action, rather than making you want to stay in bed and pull the covers back over your head, and if you’re struggling to come up with some empowering alternatives to the negative, what if question, in terms of flipping the script on the question asking a better what if question, I’m going to give you some alternatives here.

Courtney Townley 9:41
What if you are more capable than you have ever given yourself credit for? What if you succeed at this whatever that thing is for you beyond your wildest expectations. Do. What if the best chapters of your life are yet to be written? What if the story you have been telling yourself about your life and about your possibility isn’t true. What if discomfort is a sign that you’re on the edge of a breakthrough? What if you focused more on what is going right instead of what is going wrong. What if you stopped waiting for the perfect moment and just started messily and imperfectly? What if you stopped being a jerk to yourself? What if you stopped believing every thought that you think? What if you chose here and now to start believing new things about yourself? What if you already have everything that you need to start moving the needle of progress.

Courtney Townley 12:26
What if you stopped hiding from your power and really fully stepped into it? What if the things that you’re resisting right now are actually bread crumbs leading you down a path to everything you’ve ever wanted. There is no end to what if questions that can inspire you into action, and it truly is just a practice. So I encourage you whatever your goals are for next year to start practicing what if questions that empower you rather than deflate you, and if you need help doing that, this is really the essence of the work that we do inside of my rumble and rise community. We normalize that changing our lives in any way is going to be hard.

Courtney Townley 12:26
There’s going to be obstacles, there’s going to be challenges, there are going to be detours that we didn’t anticipate. And how we talk to ourselves in those moments and through those moments is everything. So if you are someone working to improve the health and well being of some dimension of your life right now, and you would like to be in the company of women who are doing the same, check us. Check out the community. Come join us for 2025 you can find out more details. You can find out specifically about our holiday sale, which is really going to give you the best rate on the community, and also the option for some private coaching by heading on over to graceandgrit.com/readytorumble once again, that’s graceandgrit.com/readytorumble.

Courtney Townley 13:25
And if you have questions about the community, you’re always welcome to reach out to me at courtney@graceandgrit.com and I will be more than happy to answer your questions again. Thank you so much for being here at the time of recording. We are really heading into the week of Christmas, so I just really wish you and your loved ones a very safe and happy holiday, and I cannot wait to continue traveling with you in 2025 I’ll see you then take care.

Courtney Townley 14:02
Thank you for listening to the Grace and Grit Podcast. It is time to mend the fabric of the female health story, and it starts with you taking radical responsibility for your own self care. You are worth the effort, and with a little grace and grit, anything is possible.